Name: margalit
Location: Massachusetts, United States Professional writer, educational advocate, opinionated ultra liberal mother of 18 year old twins, living life in the slow lane due to hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, congestive heart failure, and diabetes.

email: margalitc at yahoo dot com

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Friday, August 26, 2005

Mature parenting? Who would have guessed?

We resumed our family therapy after a break of several weeks for vacation, etc. It was nice coming back, but I needed to talk to S about the Girl and what was going on, so first the Girl left and went to see her own therapist, and then after a few minutes the Boy left as well.

I filled her in on the backstory and talked about how I reacted, how I didn't yell because there was absolutely nothing that yelling could do to help the situation, etc. I also talked about how I spoke to the Girl when she got back from camp, and how we dealt with the whole thing, ensuring that the worst wasn't happening, etc. And I told her about the various conversations we've had since, the new rules in the household regarding friends visiting, etc. She told me some stuff that I didn't know, some of which totally floored me. She thinks the reason the Girl goads me so much is that she's petrified about my health and me leaving her, so she demands attention. I hadn't thought of that since the Girl seems completely disinterested in my health and has never appeared to be the slightest bit worried, but I'm digesting this information and will maybe talk to the Girl more about the upcoming surgery and the various other things that I've kept to myself.

Additionally, we talked about how I've kept the entire incident away from the Boy, because it's not his business. S told me that this was a sign of mature parenting and that I was doing exactly what a good parent should do, keep the kids separate and not to involve them in each other's dramas, so they could grow separately as individuals. Who would of thunk it, especially after the whole GAL report and the evaluations upcoming. I felt really good about what she said, and I felt that I had turned a corner in making good parenting decisons. My parenting has changed so much in the past couple of years. I just stopped yelling, and I'm a lot more open to the kids about my own feelings. I'm trying to share the right stuff, but to keep them out of the stuff that doesn't concern them, like finances and other worries.

It's been such a hard road, but I really feel like we're turning the corner and we're a healthier, happier family. When we got home we pulled out the lawn chairs and sat in the back yard and talked and played the music game. We laughed and had a lot of fun. At one point I kind of looked at us from the outside and thought "this is a healthy family" which is a thought I haven't had in a long time.

At one point the Boy was doing something on the other side of the yard and I mentioned to the Girl that the Boy and I had spoken about doing the b'nai mitzvah next year, and that we could have a great party here, something fun for the kids and fun for grownups as well. I think we could do a BBQ with burgers and dogs and maybe some chicken for the grownups, and a bunch of different salads, and a big cake. Nothing fancy, no drinking other than beer and wine (to keep the kids away from alcohol). We could have about 6 large tables on the side lawn, have the barn driveway turned into a dance floor, set up the BBQs in the parking area, and it would be fun. And guess what? She agreed! So I've got the Boy and Girl both thinking that this would be a fun thing, and now I have to see how much $$ I can get from JCFS to fund this shindig and find a place where they can have an aliyot and maybe do a d'var torah and share the haftorah and maftir.

At least I've got something to plan now. And that makes me so much happier about the whole thing.
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Blogger Belinda said...

Open a b'nai mitzvah Paypal account for donations and put a link on your blog! Seriously, there are "donate" Paypal links on most of the blogs I read, and not usually for any specific purpose. This would be very palatable, IMO.

OK, I'm done comment-bombing you for today! Love your blog!

30/8/05 2:21 PM  
Blogger margalit said...

Really? I didn't know I could open a paypal account for this, but I'm thilled to find out about it. THANK YOU. I'll investigate and do it asap. What a GREAT idea!

30/8/05 6:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'd donate to the G's bar/t. I alrady have. Check your account.
I've seen a blog where a woman paid for chemo for her CAT!
This is at least as important.

4/9/05 12:00 PM  

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