Name: margalit
Location: Massachusetts, United States Professional writer, educational advocate, opinionated ultra liberal mother of 18 year old twins, living life in the slow lane due to hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, congestive heart failure, and diabetes.

email: margalitc at yahoo dot com

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Friday, September 30, 2005

OK Blogger Friends

Here's a fun interlude in your quest to read as many blogs as you can.

From Suburban Misfits:

The Rules:

1. Go into your archive.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag five other people to do the same.

My tags: Belinda, Carrie, Linda, Ellen, and Melissa. Tag, you're it!

My sentence: "It seems unreal that a parent would steal a child's belongings, but then there you go."

This, of course, needs some explanation. Sit back, it's a long and sordid story.

When I was born my Granny Rose started a sterling silver collection for me. It was added to every year for many years, and then for my 16th birthday I was 'presented' with my sterling flatware and serving pieces, to be given to me when I had a place of my own.

I went on to college and grad school and then had a place of my own, but my mother was using my sterling and didn't want to give it up. So the next assignment was to buy a house or get married. As things progressed in my life, I asked several times to have my silver, but my mother always had an excuse as to why my life wasn't good enough for her to relinquish it to me. Then, Easter 1980, I gave up speaking to my parents and washed my hands of their evil demeanors. I didn't tell them, I just stopped calling. Since they never even bothered to call me, time went on and on, and years passed. I didn't much miss them because they made it well known throughout my childhood that I was a mistake, that I was unwanted, that they didn't like or love me, and that I could never ever meet their expectations. Gee, who would want to walk away from that?

The years passed, and in the lae 80's I heard from a sibling that my parents were selling everything and moving to Arizona. Selling everything meant the furniture, the vast collection of art glass, the art work, and of course, my sterling silver. I was livid because it did not belong to them, but I was powerless to stop them. Long since written out of the will after I had the terminity to write a letter to New York magazine about how my parents hadn't paid for my college or helped me start up after college (all true but a serious embarassment to Jewish parents to be outed publically like that), I didn't expect I would get anything but I really did want my silver. It wasn't to be. My mother stole it from me and I have never seen it again. However, there is one perfect anecdote from this period that gives you the reader an idea of what an evil bitch this woman is. When I was in undergraduate school I was incredibly poor because my parents gave me nothing, and I was on financial aid, work study, and grants and loans. I was also on food stamps, but that's besides the point. For my mother's birthday in November, I bought a print from a local artist and gave it to her. It wasn't really expensive, but for me, it was a fortune.

So years later when I learned that they were selling everything, my sibling told me that he had BOUGHT this picture I had given my mother as a gift at the auction. Honest! And then he wanted to trade me for a glass picture I had recently bought, which I did, so I now have in my dining room the print that I bought my mother so many years ago. Every time I think of this, I get smarmy grin on my face. I think Mom would be pissed as hell if she knew I had this print. After all, this is the woman that (I heard tell) was gushing about the adorable babies she saw pictured on my siblings fridge and then asked who they belonged to. When she was told them were mine, she responded, "Oh, they're not that cute, are they?" What a delight she is. I hope she rots in hell.

You gotta admit, it's a miracle I turned out as screwed up, but basically normal as I did. The best revenge is seeing what a good parent I ended up being and how I didn't learn one thing from my own parents. OK, I did learn one thing: When you pass a cemetery with your kids in the car, you are required to say, "People are dying to get in there." That is the extent of my parenting skills gained from my own parents.

And one more thing. My mother's aunt knew about what happened, and I ended up inheriting her sterling. It's a pattern I never thought I'd have in my home, very very ornate, but I love it and am thrilled that I have it. It's decent revenge.
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Blogger nita said...

i'll totally do this when i'm not so gripped by laaaaazyyyyyyyyyyy

1/10/05 7:04 PM  
Blogger Belinda said...

This is so sad. I don't even know what to say. I'm so grateful for my family. I'm so sorry you had the experience you did. I don't think, even after all that, that you REALLY wish your mother to "rot in hell". I think even the little I know of you from this bog belies that attitude. Nice fake, though.

Seriously, you deserved better. But what other people do is not on anyone but them. I believe that we are to have a loving compassionate attitude, and if the person we give that to spits in our eye, well, that's a black mark against them, not us.

I have a wonderful friend who had a really dysfunctional relationship (still does) with her mother, with the favoring other siblings over her, etc., not respecting her children...and this friend is the most loving, caring, wonderful woman and mother (of 6, soon to be 7!!) you could ever imagine. As far as the continuous insults and barbs from her mother, she gets irritated, but I really admire the way she "lets go" and stays the pleasant person that she is.

And I'm glad you got your aunt's silver--that was sweet of her. I kinda wish you'd "stolen" the set that was intended for you when you had a chance, but oh, well!

1/10/05 7:16 PM  
Blogger margalit said...

Well, actually, I sort of do wish she would rot. I'm sorry, but this one story is only the tiniest tip of the iceberg of things this woman has done to me in the past. I don't think about her much, nor do I let her behavior rule mine, but this is one sick woman (literally) and the fact that she has no relationship with all but one of her children, that she doesn't know her grandchildren, the fact that her own family thought she was poison...well, I need not say much more.

There are toxic people on this earth, and I certainly didn't ask to be born into this extremely dysfunctional family, but I was dealt a raw deal as a child. Since then I've made every effort to rise above this, but what she did to me and my siblings is literally criminal. There are people who are not meant to be parents, and my parents were tip top on the list. I have no clue how she is now that my father is dead, nor do I much care, but she has to be one lonely old lady, and that to me is just retribution for treating her children like pond scum.

My Aunt Lillian (z"l) was a wonderful but very cranky lady. She had terrible sadness in her life and she tried hard to rise above it and move on. She was an artist, a lover of culture, kind and generous, and I miss her greatly.

1/10/05 11:54 PM  
Blogger melinama said...

Hard to believe, but I have a similar story. When my mom died I was in my mid-20s and living in various rented places, so the silver she had left me would not have been safe. I packed it all up carefully and took it to her mother's house, my grandmother, and stored it in the attic. Years later I found out my grandmother had given my silver to my father. !! He knew it was mine! But we didn't get along well (he thought I was a commy hippie) and ignored my requests that he return it.

Crowning blow: he gave my silver, all of it, to my youngest brother. Who also, feeling he won it fair and square, wouldn't give it back. He's got it still.

26/12/05 12:33 PM  

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