Name: margalit
Location: Massachusetts, United States Professional writer, educational advocate, opinionated ultra liberal mother of 18 year old twins, living life in the slow lane due to hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, congestive heart failure, and diabetes.

email: margalitc at yahoo dot com

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Monday, October 31, 2005

Damn damn damn

I love Halloween. I take it that you dear internets have figured that out by now. But this particular Halloween was not good. It sucked. Totally and completely sucked. The weather was totally cooperative, the Girl looked adorable as a punk (no photos available due to broken camera, another damn) in her black shirt, black skirt, black leather jacket circa 1980 with a ton of zippers and belts, red fishnets and black and red Converse All-Stars, the Boy decided not to go out but stayed home and helped me make the pumpkin seeds and 'prepare' the candy basket. So far so good.

We didn't get ONE trick or treater. I didn't think anyone would tramp up our hill, but I thought that kids might come from the street behind us through our little gate, especially since we had a big jack 'o lantern all lit up, and pumpkin lights in the windows. We saw plenty of kids on the street behind us, but they didn't come through the gate. Sigh. So we have a lot of candy left over.

The Girl went out with 4 friends. They had a route mapped, they had their cell phones, I knew where they would be, and off they went. They hit a huge apartment complex, but very few people gave out candy. WTF? It's FILLED with kids but they wouldn't even open their doors. So the girls went to our village and trick or treated there for a while.

Now, I've mentioned that the Girl has a non-verbal learning disability. She has a lot of trouble with social interactions in an unusual way. She has a ton of friends, but she often misses a lot of what's really going on because she's extremely literal and doesn't pick up any non-verbal cues. This often means she gets led around by the nose by stronger kids, and she has no clue of how to say "no".

A couple of the girls suggested that they hop on the "T" (subway) and go up one stop to the centre of our small city. The Girl is not allowed to take the T without permission, nor is she allowed to hang out in the centre ever, as it's the scummy high school dopers hangout by the "T" station. Of course, that didn't stop her from getting on the train with her friends. Once there, they ran into a big crowd of kids, most of whom were high schoolers, smoking dope and egging stuff. She knew most of the kids as siblings of kids she attends school with, and kids that her brother knows, too. One kid, the older brother of a girl she has real issues with, egged her and got in her face yelling at her. She pushed him away and he socked her. She ran away, and did exactly what she's been told to do, go into a store and call me to come get her.

I came to pick her up, she was in tears and really angry at her friends for not sticking up for her. A lot of the kids were inner city kids that attend our suburban schools, and unfortunately they have little to no supervision, especially when they are miles from home. Anyhow, the Girl lied to me about how she got to the centre, and I caught her in the lie when one of her friends stopped over to drop off her stuff. I spoke to her friend and told her that she wasn't a very good friend and that the Girl was really angry at her. The Girl was hiding upstairs. She's mortified to go to school tomorrow, and she's afraid that one girl is going to pick on her. I have to call the school first thing and talk to the school psych to get him to talk to her about what happened and how she could have handled the situation differently (like listen to her mother, for one!) as well as putting a watch on the other kid so she'll keep away from the Girl.

Teenage girls are SO sucky.

I'm sad for the Girl because she keeps getting into situations like this. She wants so much to be a regular kid and have the same privileges as the other kids, but she has shown that she doesn't handle this stuff well. She's grounded for a week for lying to me, but I hugged her a lot and tried to show her that I loved her even though she screwed up by lying. Man, this is so hard. Parenting toddlers is a piece of cake compared to parenting teens. I'm so torn between being pissed as hell at the older kids, who again got away with bad behavior, and being pissed at the Girl for being in the wrong place without permission. But I love her anyways.
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Blogger Mama C-ta said...

Oh that does sound like such a difficult situation for both of you. Sounds like you are doing great though, showing her lots of love, and discipline! That saddens me that there are "friends" like that but sadly I'm not surprised.

Sorry your holloween was such a downer, there were hardly any kids out or people giving out candy around here too. Lame!

1/11/05 7:35 AM  
Blogger secret agent josephine said...

Yikes! I'm very scared now... and my little girl isn't even here yet. Sounds like you are doing your best though. Someday she'll thank you for it.

1/11/05 4:41 PM  
Anonymous Theresa said...

Parenting teens suck. Tough call mom, but I think you did the right thing. Too bad the other kids didn't.

1/11/05 5:29 PM  

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