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Name: margalit
Location: Massachusetts, United States Professional writer, educational advocate, opinionated ultra liberal mother of 18 year old twins, living life in the slow lane due to hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, congestive heart failure, and diabetes.

email: margalitc at yahoo dot com

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Tuesday, November 29, 2005

When truth is too raw

I've been thinking about how much I want to reveal about myself on this blog. I tell quite a bit, but there are things that I hold back, or allude to in very vague terms so that only people who know us in real life understand what I'm really talking about. Much of what I hold back is private information regarding my children. My feeling is that as they get older, so much of what goes on in their lives is becoming very personal and private to them, and they would not like me sharing it with the world at large. They get a huge kick out of googling themselves and reading all the posts about when they were babies, but it bothers them a bit when their friends google them and read the funny things they said at age 2 or 3.

I don't blame them. Had I known that DejaNews and now Google would have archived Usenet postings, I think I would have been a lot more careful about what I was sharing, but back then the internet was a small place where you only had an account if you worked in the computer industry or were in the sciences. Most everyone was an academic and the discussions were so very different than they are now on those moronic parenting sites like iVillage. When AOL invaded Usenet and it sank to levels lower than it had ever been before, parents who posted for years started to pull back and stop posting such personal information. By the time the second invasion, WebTV, arrived, many of us quit Usenet and went to private mailing lists in order to keep discussing at the level we had during the heyday of Usenet.

With the advent of blogging, again intelligent parenting could be discussed and you could vocalize about pretty much anything that crossed your mind. In a way, blogging is quite similar to the old Usenet except it doesn't have threaded discussions, but rather comments. I wish that commenting could be threaded, so bloggers can respond to particular commenters directly, but that's another post.

Back to the personal stuff. One of the things that bothers me about some of the blogs I read is that nobody really knows yet whether or not there is going to be some company like DejaNews that comes up with a way to archive blogs. Will our words all be around for generations to read? Will the rantings about the in-laws be discovered by the people we most don't want to read our blogs? We really don't know, do we?

Another thing about "mommyblogging" is that some bloggers use their blogs as a mouthpiece for adoration and don't consider that outsiders read their blogs and aren't up to the 'incrowd' chatter. I hate going to a new blog and not knowing who is being written about or what the hell the blogger is talking about. People want newcomers to discover their blogs, but they blog about their friends and family and add a lot of very personal information with no regard to privacy issues. That drives me bonkers.

But, on the other hand, these folks are just talking about their lives and are not even thinking about the exclusivity of who they discuss. This is something I've been pondering a lot because I've got friends that are going through some really tough times and I just don't feel like I can blog about them, even though their stuff directly affects my mood. I'm terribly sad right now, thinking a lot about a friend whose marriage is splitting up. I've cried a lot about it, the circumstances are ugly, and yet I can't share this with my readers. I've mentioned a bit about a friend of mine who has breast cancer while her husband has colon cancer, but I can't share how devistating this is for me, and how worried I am about her children. Because both of these things are happening at the same time as my medical issues and upcoming surgery (no date yet), I've been very weepy and depressed. It's all too much to bear at times and since blogging is my emotional outlet, it's difficult for me to be so sad and not be able to explain why.

If I've sounded fairly humorless these days, please understand that I'm burdened with a lot right now, at a time of the year that is extremely difficult for me even in the best of times, and due to our financial situation, it all is just overwhelmingly depressing right now. It doesn't mean that I won't bounce back, I always do. But in the meantime, please be kind to your friends who are hurting right now. We all need extra hugs at times.
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3 Comments:

Blogger jane said...

First and foremost, I believe our blogs should be for us, the writer. I'm new to your blog so I don't know if you've shared family photos, location or real names. If you have, maybe you want to start a separate blog just for venting & keep that one anonymous.
For the very reasons you spoke I won't ever put my picture or pictures of anybody I know on my blog. I'll never use real names & will generalize where I live.
My heart really goes out to you about this, because I think you should be able to write about what you need to write about. I hope you find a workable solution.

29/11/05 4:55 AM  
Blogger Ditsy Chick said...

I worry about what to share and what not too. I am generally funny, but clearly, no one is funny 24/7. It is a tough balance. I think you have to go with what feels right to you. Best wishes for your challenges and know we all have them, too. That is one of the beautiful things about blogging, finding out how much others can sympathize with our plights.

BTW - I agree with the new blogs, where you don't know what is going on, because you are joining in the middle of the story.

29/11/05 1:10 PM  
Blogger Debby said...

My heart goes out to both you and your friends who are suffering. I can understand how devastating this time of the year can be. Our finances are sooooo out of whack this year that I haven't even been able to shop for my grands, and don't know if I will be able too. It is extremely difficult to be in that position, but I just keep remembering, this too shall pass. Keep your chin up hon, and remember, I, and others, will be thinking of you and yours.

29/11/05 4:28 PM  

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