Name: margalit
Location: Massachusetts, United States Professional writer, educational advocate, opinionated ultra liberal mother of 18 year old twins, living life in the slow lane due to hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, congestive heart failure, and diabetes.

email: margalitc at yahoo dot com

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Thursday, January 19, 2006

Oy Vey iz Mir

What a day today! The weather was gorgeous after yesterday's freak storm that left trees all over the streets, flooding, and a loss of power. We fared ok, a big oak right down the street fell over and closed our street for about 20 hours, but it's cleaned up as of this morning. The huge intersection near our house still has blinking lights, so the traffic is bizarre, but otherwise, no leaks and no damage despite very heavy winds and blinding rain.

So today the storm is inside the house. After a delightful trip to Petco, where we indulged Worthless Pet with new catnip, a catnip toy, and 2 bags of kitty crack as well as a 10 lb bag of cat food, the Girl and I came home and she was in a mood to end all moods. She wanted to watch Finding Nemo, which is her all time favorite movie. I'm sorry, it was cute the first 50 times, but she's 13, and we're sick to death of that damn movie. The Boy had already watched Kung Pao something or other on the computer, so it was suggested to the Girl that she might watch Nemo there instead of on the TV. No dice. She wanted Nemo, the couch, her blanket, and that was that.

The Girl is intractable when it comes to things she wants. She will argue to the end of the world, but she will never ever back down, compromise, or apologize. It's her way or the highway. She put the movie in, and while she was doing the DVD thing, the Boy sat on 'her spot' on the sofa. It's not her spot, but she decided that was where she was going to sit and there was no discussing it. When she turned around and saw him there, she walked over and sat on him. He pushed her off, she turned around and punched him about 5 times before I could pull her off, then he grabbed her and gave her a headlock and was choking her. I had to throw both of them off of each other, and I was bullshit.

The Boy is upstairs for the evening and he's lost his controllers for two weeks. No XBox for him, which is the worlds worst punishment. The Girl screamed bloody murder at me because I needed her to admit that she started this, and of course, she refused. So no Nemo, parental controls are on the TV, and they're not coming off for 2 days.

WHY do they fight like this? I just hate it. I hate the physicality of it, and I don't see any reason that normal people would have to fight over who sits where on a sofa. I honestly don't get it. There are plenty of places to sit in the room, but nope, they both wanted that particular spot and they are willing to fight to the death for it.

I know it's a sibling thing, and it's normal and all, but still it drives me crazy to have to referee this kind of inanity. I am, by nature, not the greatest disciplinarian, and I have a hard time following through on things, but even when I do, they never seem to learn from their mistakes, so why bother? Well, that's not all true. The Boy will eventually apologize and admit that he shouldn't have hurt her. But the Girl, she will never ever back down. It's never her fault, she's always the victim, I'm a terrible mother for allowing her brother to live, and if she had her way, it would be what she wants, when she wants it, and we should all kowtow to her wants and needs. This drives me so crazy. If she were able to compromise in any way, it would make me so happy, but she's just unwilling and unable to do so. Even her therapist has admitted that there seems to be a compromising gene missing. It's so hard to live with someone like this. It wears my nerves thin, and drives her brother crazy. Not that he's an angel, because he's not. But he is reasonable most of the time, and she never is.

It's only 6 pm. Will we make it through till bedtime without another incident. Stay tuned.
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Anonymous Claire said...

All I could think when I saw that picture was "I am having fish tonight" I know every darn word to that movie - it was KM's favorite for quite some time.

I am sorry it was a rough night.

19/1/06 9:22 PM  
Anonymous momof2 said...

Ha! Being a fraternal twin, I can relate to this so well. I was the calm(er) one.. and my brother was the antagonizer. He'd sit pratcially on top of me on the couch, and then scream to my mother if I breathed on him. Those were the days (not!)
Keep your chin up, mom.. it will get easier as they get a little older, I promise!

19/1/06 9:23 PM  
Blogger valbee said...

The Girl is... well, a girl. :) They're so... hormonal at this age. Things will calm down eventually, but with some it takes longer than others.

Teenagers never learn from their mistakes on the first try. In fact, it's the rare 20-year old who accomplishes that feat, as one of my twins is finding out right now.

I know it's easier said that done, but hang in there. It will get better eventually!

19/1/06 11:44 PM  
Anonymous the other amy said...

i am a mother of 17 year old twin girls who get along about 99% of the time. that 1% is hell though. they routinely tell one another "i am going to gouge your eyes out with a spoon" and other such wonderful statements.
like my mama always said though-this too shall pass. next year my kids will be away in another city at different colleges and i will just wish to hear about eye gouging and such. it is all a part of growing up. hang in there.

20/1/06 10:10 AM  
Blogger kontan said...

i have two girls...which means two who will not back down. the oldest is a drama queen, and the youngest...well, it's a good thing she's smart and cute. she'll need it later. the little instigator. i dread teen years with them.

good luck

20/1/06 12:39 PM  

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