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Name: margalit
Location: Massachusetts, United States Professional writer, educational advocate, opinionated ultra liberal mother of 18 year old twins, living life in the slow lane due to hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, congestive heart failure, and diabetes.

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Wednesday, January 25, 2006

When do you get too old to be a MILF?

A friend of mine and I were discussing the whole MILF phenomenon tonight. She's a physician in her early 50's, the mother of three lovely girls ranging from 15 to 11. She's divorced and her ex-husband cheated on her with a Rabbi, whom he then married, and they have twins. My friend is a delightful woman, funny as hell, so bright and so interested in the world. Her house is a mess, she's disorganized, but she's a blast to hang out with, always up for something fun and one of the coolest moms I know.

She's also pretty damn attractive for a woman in her age group. She lost about 40 lbs maybe 5 years ago, and having carried that excess weight for quite a few years kept wrinkles from her face, which looks young and dewey. In our conversation I told her that the Boy once said that she was in the MILF category, and once she stopped choking, she wondered how he could possibly know such an acronym. Well, he's in high school and in high school they talk about such stuff. She was pretty pleased to hear this, and I was happy to relate this to her. It's not often that you can say this to your middle aged friends, right?

The conversation came up because my friend reads my blog and often follows my links around blogland. Lately she's been coming across a lot of blogs whining and moaning about the fact that the authors are no longer considering themselves to be in the MILF category since their boobs head south, their tummys hang down over their bikini underpants, and they have stretchmarks on their dimply thighs. Never mind that they tend to weigh quite a bit more than they did pre-kids. OK, that's a natural fact of aging and one we all have to accept unless we're Britney Spears or Gwyneth Paltrow and can exercise all day every day after giving birth with our personal trainers whilst eating only a raw diet. For most of us, that just isn't possible. Heck it's not possible for anyone except people that count on their looks for their paychecks. That's so not me. It's so not my friend, either.

I've been thinking about this because most of my friends have hit the half century mark or are almost there, and with that come a lot of indignities that just happen overnight. The normal sagging southward is just gravity doing it's thing. Unless you have a plastic surgeon on call and all the time in the world to recover from various lifts and tucks, it's gonna happen to you. Accept it and move on. What surprised me about aging, besides the ravages of menopausal insanity, is what has happened to my skin. Not my face, I still have smooth skin and occasional acne because, after all, I'm 53 and evidentally still an adolescent. I don't have a crease or a wrinkle on my face because my skin is naturally oily. That's one blessing about oily skin.

But I have a bunch of creepy things growing on my body, things that seem to have no rhyme or reason for being there other than to creep me out and make me want to run to the dermotologist for a complete body scrape. I've got skin tags, I've got little red spots, I've got liver spots, the skin on my hands is thin and looks like crepe paper, and I get these little under the skin cycts that sit like bumps on my chest. What the hell are those things, anyhow? Last year in a panic I went to the dermo for an all body checkup, and she seemed to think I was a complete idiot for worrying about all these patches of crap on my skin. "It's aging" she told me. Oh joy!

Now, when I talk to my peeps, they tell me about all the weird things they have growing on their bodies too. And we compare all these grossities of aging with our eyes agog because we have, yes indeed, become our mothers. How the hell that happened is beyond me or my friends, but there you go!

So among my friends are quite a few women who have recently become divorced when their husbands exhibited temporary insanity and started fucking anything straight out of grad school. Appears to be a common theme amongst the men of a certain age. Many of my friends are incredibly attractive accomplished women, women who are funny and intelligent and just so much fun to be around. But are they still in MILF territory? When does an attractive woman stop being a MILF just because of age. Sure, there are plenty of examples of women in their 50s that are definate MILFs. Andie McDowell comes to mind. But that woman might look like total shit without 3 inches of makeup on. How do we know for sure? Does she still qualify as a MILF? She has 3 grown kids. Plus, she's gorgeous, no doubt about it. And that accent. (But, as an aside, do you think for one minute those boobs are all her?)

I just don't know. How do women who have been left behind by cretin husbands decide to get back out there into the social swing? Where does a woman in her 50's go to meet men? Or is life over for women just because they are over 50? I have no answers, but I'm wondering what you all think.
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6 Comments:

Blogger Happy Mama to Three said...

Having met Andie McDowell (not the name she lives under by the way) on more than one occasion, I can tell you that as far as all are concerned, her apparently snap on parts are indeed her own. Her most previous husband on the one time I came in contact with him had a snarky attitude, and the children all say he has stinky feet. But Andie, or as the world, and the mommies at her children's school call her by her real name, love her dearly, find her a very authenticate Mama, and she does back cookies.

25/1/06 3:49 AM  
Anonymous Sarah said...

Just one question: What's a MILF? I've never heard of this before...

25/1/06 10:25 AM  
Blogger Kelly said...

Too funny, my husband and I were talking about just this thing the other night. He says he's proud to be married to a MILF, and that before we all know it (because, damn, the time does fly lately) I'll be G-MILF.

Which made me blow red wine out my nose.

25/1/06 12:08 PM  
Blogger margalit said...

MILF = Mothers I'd Like to Fuck. Sorry, I thought everyone knew this acronym.

Kelly: GMILF. WAY WAY cool. I never thought about it, but it's closer than I thought!

25/1/06 5:16 PM  
Blogger Celena said...

Yeah, on the "fourty year old virgin" there was a G-Milf. I don't think it actually has to do with age, it just has to do with looks and attitude. (Sorry, I guess I don't have the right to say anything, 'cause I'm not even 25 yet)

25/1/06 11:05 PM  
Blogger neener said...

I'm still remembering when Michael and Elliot on Thirty-Something discovered that they were becoming "invisible to teenage girls." And they were only, well ... thirty-something! I am 53, newly separated and SO not interested in dating men. But I too have become invisible. Only creepy older guys flirt with me. Eeeeuuuwww! In my head I'm still 22.

The upside is that going solo has made me embrace fun and new people and new experiences. My punk'd 20-something haircutter who'd "heard of" Joni Mitchell and The Band, said she'd love to go hear music with me. That made my day.

26/1/06 12:30 PM  

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