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Name: margalit
Location: Massachusetts, United States Professional writer, educational advocate, opinionated ultra liberal mother of 18 year old twins, living life in the slow lane due to hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, congestive heart failure, and diabetes.

email: margalitc at yahoo dot com

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Friday, January 13, 2006

Why has this not been invented yet?

My house sounds like a TB ward. We all have this horrible cough. The Girl has pneumonia, and the boy and I have bronchitis. We're inhaling albuteral like crack whores, drinking gallons of juice, and drinking cough medicine directly from our own individual bottles. Why is our cough not subsiding? Two reasons. One, our remarkable shitty health insurance has taken cough medicine with codeine off the formulary, so we have to stick with OTC stuff, which doesn't work. Evidentally our health insurance company hasn't watched the news this week. Additionally, the types of antihistamine they do now recommend to help a cough is absolutely verboten for those of us with heart conditions. So much for that idea!

But the second reason we're all coughing up a storm is that nobody has yet invented the lung vacuum. How hard can this be? You stick this thing in your mouth, turn on the machine, and all the phlem comes up and is collected into the machine. Sort of like a lung Dyson. It seems to simple, doesn't it? Just what is good about coughing and coughing and coughing until your ribs ache and you are gasping for breath? Why is that better than the lung Dyson? Of course, it's not. So which enterprising young inventor here is going to take up the challange? I promise to be your first customer.
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13 Comments:

Anonymous surcie said...

The Dyson Lung Vac sounds good to me. I just wouldn't want to handle the thing after using it on my family.

I hope you all feel better soon! (Via Michele)

14/1/06 12:15 AM  
Blogger Carmi said...

I always worry what else such a device would suck up. All those little alveoli would make quite a mess in the machine.

Ew!

14/1/06 12:16 AM  
Blogger scrappintwinmom said...

I'd sign up for that too. Why hasn't it been invented? Because the companies that make cough meds and cold meds depend on it NOT being invented. Last year I had bronchitis and I swore I broke a rib from hacking. Here via Michele today.

14/1/06 12:18 AM  
Blogger kenju said...

I hope you have vaporizers for everyone!


Michele sent me.

14/1/06 12:25 AM  
Blogger Romanduck said...

I am trying desperately not to come down with a cold of my own! I have a snotty nose, a slight cough and a roll of toilet paper. I know the last one isn't really a cold symptom, but it feels like it. hehe. MSM!

14/1/06 12:39 AM  
Anonymous Last Girl On Earth said...

I guess if they invented that machine, they would have to invent a way of emptying it! Yucky! I DO hope you all get to feeling better soon. And congrats on your nomination! Michele told me to come over here, and I always do what Michele tells me to do!

14/1/06 12:42 AM  
Blogger OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

Hi Margalit....
Well, they do have something in hospitals thats kind of like that and when they do it to you...IT'S GHASTLY!! And it's called.."Suctioning" I do not recommend it, even though it sounds like it would be a great thing...and it is if you are drowning, you know? But....

I'm so sorry you are all so sick...It's not good at all, and especially when so many of you are sick...Pneumonis has made this BIG comeback..there was a time there when you didn't hear about so many people having pneumonia...and now....Lordy!! It makes one wonder if these germs are becoming immune to the Antbiotics...!

I dearly hope all of you will be WELL, WELL, WELL! And very soon, my dear.

And Congrats on being a Blog Awards Finalist!! I'm going over a vote for you, right now!

14/1/06 4:09 AM  
Blogger Uisce said...

My remedy for everything is canned chicken noodle soup with chili sauce -- the kind you get in a vietnamese restaurant. Clears out everything! And it's pretty darn tasty!

14/1/06 9:34 AM  
Blogger Carmi said...

Hopefully Fiddler on the Roof is making the mood somewhat more festive and homey.

14/1/06 5:41 PM  
Blogger WendyWings said...

I would not want to be the one emptying the ick bag.
I know how it feels to be hacking up a lung though, thankfully I have not been that sick in a long time.
Michele sent me today

14/1/06 6:08 PM  
Anonymous Roger said...

Hmmm, I commented last night but it seems to have vanished.

Well, I'm back.

Sorry to hear about all the sickness going around your place.

Try Cold FX. It's really, really great (but take it as soon as you feel the cold coming on).

14/1/06 6:13 PM  
Blogger Pink Pen said...

Umm.. vaculung.. ew. and may I say... OW.

michele sent me again :)

14/1/06 6:54 PM  
Blogger Romanduck said...

I feel your pain!!! MSM!

14/1/06 7:21 PM  

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