Name: margalit
Location: Massachusetts, United States Professional writer, educational advocate, opinionated ultra liberal mother of 18 year old twins, living life in the slow lane due to hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, congestive heart failure, and diabetes.

email: margalitc at yahoo dot com

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Saturday, February 25, 2006

When you just don't know what to do

I can't tell you guys what the issue is, because it's not our family that's going through hell right now. I can't tell you who or why or how, but I can ask that you send a lot of good vibes to friends of ours that are having very hard times and need all the vibes they can get (and more!).

You know how sometimes you're just helpless and you have to stand by and watch people in a lot of pain? How you want to do something, but honestly, nothing you can do can help to make it better except to be there and let them know that you offer a safe place? How you think that if only you could do A or B, it might help to make a difference, but in actuality you can't offer either A or B, and even if you could, it wouldn't help. It's so frustrating for me. I want to help. I want to make things better. I can't stand to watch people in pain. I especially can't stand to watch children in pain. But I can't do anything right now. I've done what I can for now, and I know that what I've done is such a drop in the bucket, but that's all I can do. It has nothing to do with my disability or my financial options. It has to do with just being able to change someone's lives for the better, and at this point, I'm not superhuman and I can't make the world all better. I would like to, but I can't.

I'm sad because I've SO been there and experienced so much of the same stuff our friends are going through, but they don't need to know that. It's not about me, it's about them. I know that in the long run, getting out of bad situations is horribly painful and very difficult, and sometimes even when you're long gone, the old stuff comes back to bite you in the ass. For me, watching someone go through the same kind of stuff that I went through is more than sobering, it's horribly difficult. I want to believe that things change, they improve, there is more protection, but the deal is, unless people in a relationship are honest about the evil that permeates their lives, they aren't going to get help. And why should anyone choose to be honest with me, especially people that don't know my past because I don't share it readily. It's that old dicotomy of being open to share the pain, or closing off the pain and risking not being able to share when you need to.

Oy, what a complicated life we all lead. It seems so easy sometimes, getting up, doing the kid and house thing, making dinner, watching some tv, and then going back to bed, rinse and repeat. Then something happens totally out of the blue and it all changes. Pain that you buried comes bubbling back up and you fight back the tears while you watch your evil shit repeat itself in someone elses life. I hate this. I really can't stand feeling like this. Why is it that everyone is going through such hard times in my life? Can't someone somewhere get a break?
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Blogger Belinda said...

Honey, you do WHAT you can WHEN you can. If there is ANY small thing of which you are able, whether it be an act of service, giving, or just emotional support, I'm sure it would be appreciated. And of course, you can pray. If you have something to give, give it. If you have nothing, then pray and offer yourself.

25/2/06 5:12 AM  
Blogger Carmi said...

I often wonder why life has to be so hard sometimes; why the bad stuff seems to come in clusters.

I wish I knew why. The only comfort that I draw from this realization is that life can also offer wonders that can barely be explained. When I think of all the good that it can bring, I figure that the challenges of life exist so that we treasure all that is good.

It seems to help keep things in balance. At least I hope it does.

25/2/06 2:39 PM  
Blogger OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

I am so sorry you are going through these hard times with your friends VERY hard tmes...I know one can feel so utterlly helpless and so wish that THAT were not so...To be able to fix something...Ahhhhh how wonderful that would be, eh Margalt??

I hope that whatever it is will easew up very soon...Life sometimes is really really too hard! OY!

Here from Michele today, my dear...

25/2/06 4:10 PM  
Blogger kenju said...

We never understand why bad things happen to good people, just that they often do. And we show them love and support in any way we can until they get through it. That is about all we can do.

Michele sent me.

25/2/06 4:16 PM  
Blogger Plain Jane said...

Well, I'll certainly wish you lots of good vibes w/out even needing to know the reasons. :)

Michele sent me - this time.

25/2/06 4:42 PM  
Blogger curiosity_kitten said...

Good vibes on their way. :)

When I read stuff like this, it really makes me appreciate that, though I have my own problems, they are nowhere near as big as those of some other folks out there, so maybe I should stop complaining so much. Thanks for putting things in perspective, and I hope that things improve for you and the people in your life.

Michele sent me, btw. :)

25/2/06 4:51 PM  
Anonymous Last Girl On Earth said...

Like the people who have written before me, I am sorry you are feeling like this, Margalit. It really sucks when you feel helpless. You are doing the right thing reaching out to your friends. As long as they know that you are there for them, then that's all you can do for now. I've been on both sides of your situation, and I'm sure your friends are thankful for your support. I things get better for them soon. Sending you and them happy, positive thoughts....

25/2/06 5:01 PM  
Blogger Cat said...

Sending Good Vibes all around! I feel your pain. even if I don't know what or why! It is hard to watch others go through something you can't help with. especially if you have been there yourself!

Take care!

25/2/06 5:17 PM  
Anonymous Kat said...

Just keeping them in your thoughts is great since it's the best you can do right now. We'll all help.

25/2/06 7:47 PM  
Blogger bobby said...

Just have to let you know that I recently shot a commercial in Boston. My wife and I attend conferences at Tuft University.
We love the city and can't wait to come back. One of my best memories is being caught in a massive traffic jam due to the Big Dig during a wicked snow storm. We missed our flight but got to stay an extra night. We found this great little Italian restaurant (Dolce Vita or Dolce's... I can't remember the exact name.) The place was nearly empty except for a few couples including John Travolta and Kelly Preston who bought wine for everyone and supposedly left a 500 dollar tip. It was a great night. Love Boston

25/2/06 8:03 PM  
Anonymous Melody said...

Oh I hope all goes well. Good thoughts are being sent your way...
Sometimes we have to go through the hard points in our life to get to the good points. (Does that make sense?)

Here from Michele today... Hope you have a great weekend.

25/2/06 8:04 PM  
Blogger kontan said...

I used to think I was SO abnormal being the only dysfunctional family I knew...then I realized everyone has something, sometime. I like to think it makes us stronger, but sometimes it just sucks.

Here from Michele's tonight

25/2/06 8:11 PM  
Blogger Viamarie said...

Wish everything will be better tomorrow.

Cheers from Michele.

25/2/06 9:39 PM  
Anonymous Electric Short said...

dont worry so much about things you cant change

25/2/06 10:21 PM  
Blogger Erin said...

I'm sending positive thoughts your (and your friends) ways.

27/2/06 2:42 AM  

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