You know how sometimes you sleep funny and you wake up with a bit of a stiff neck? Yeah, we all do that. But I'm special. Special, I tell ya.
Because I go to sleep and wake up with half of my body screaming in pain. Ok, I exaggerate a little. But not so little. Not half my body, just the upper right quadrant. That would be my neck, shoulder and a searing pain going down my right arm. Plus my entire shoulder round the back to my spine. Aching, oh man it is aching.
Advil isn't cutting it. There is this burning sensation all around my shoulder like I've pitched 90 at 95 mph during the playoffs. Please take me out of the game, my rotator cuff feels like it's burned to a crisp.
I took mysterious muscle relaxants a friend passed on to me when her insurance company made a mistake and misread her prescription and sent 4 huge bottles of these things instead of one bottle. Their mistake is my gain. They usually work on lower back aches and pains, but nope, the did not touch the scorching agony running down my arm.
This means I have to, oh dear God, call the doctor. Who will yell at me because I've been avoiding her since, well...you know. Since I cancelled that little procedure for the 3rd time. Because I am a bad person and I suck.
However, the doctor will have the magic shot of steriods that will make my shoulder stop hurting. And if I make promises to reschedule that procedure, which I will of course cancel because it is not my nature to let strangers stick things up my darkest nether regions, she might, just might take pity on me and give me pain killers. I really like pain killers. They kill pain, but they do so much more.
"Oh, is the house on fire? Pretty pretty flames!"
And if I am very very good, she will give me a sling to put my arm in, and I will be happy because then nobody will beg me to type their papers at 11:00 at night, not that I'm tattling on anyone in particular (cough the Girl cough).
If I really play my cards right, I can sucker someone, again, no names (cough the boy cough) into cooking dinner. Heh.
I am now going to bed where I shall hope to sleep without hurting the other upper quadrant of my body. Wish me luck. Stumble It! JBlog Me