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Name: margalit
Location: Massachusetts, United States Professional writer, educational advocate, opinionated ultra liberal mother of 18 year old twins, living life in the slow lane due to hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, congestive heart failure, and diabetes.

email: margalitc at yahoo dot com

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Wednesday, March 01, 2006

I'm sick of me

Right now I've decided that I'm tired of being angry at one stupid worthless piece of crap that I don't even know. I'm sick of one person having such a negative effect on me and my child. I'm tired of worrying every day what the hell this person is going to do next to make the Girl miserable. I'm just sick to death of the whole thing.

I let this kind of stuff get to me. I am still in that SuperMom mode where I believe that I can make everything better for my children. Sometimes, I can't. There are terrible people out there in the world, and if you try hard, you can avoid most of them. But you can't avoid them all. No matter how much you try to teach your kids about stranger danger, sometimes the biggest danger is a person in their lives that you're supposed to be able to trust. Like the coach with the wandering hands, or the uncle that bothered you as a child, some adults just aren't trustworthy, and for the life of me, I don't know how to avoid this. People can suck and even if your kids are older and trusting, it's hard to make them fodder for the meanness and arrogance of some adults.

I haven't felt this frustrated or upset in years. We've had issues with school personnel, and religions people, and even with family members over the kids. But they all seemed to be either avoidable or resolvable. This particular situation doesn't see to be either. It just is what it is, and we're either going to have to find a better way to resolve it, or we're going to have to avoid it.

I've got a game plan in mind. I'm already starting to execute it behind the scenes. I'm feeling a bit more powerful and less of a victim. I hate the confrontation that will ultimately occur. I don't want any of this. I want to go back to a peaceful life without the stress. The stress that could literally end my life. It's too dangerous to be this upset for me. My defrillator keeps buzzing, I'm feeling dizzy, and I'm feeling completely out of control. I'm better than this. I don't want it to continue another day. So I have to move forward to make it all better. Wish me luck.
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