Maybe you parents of teens could give me some help with a couple of issues I'm currently facing. I'm once again floundering, clueless of what's the right thing to do.
First, the Girl has her first real boyfriend. I'm soooo not ready for this. I knew it was coming for a while now, and I've tried as hard as I can to dissuade her, but the fact is, it's puppy love. The flirting that goes on between them is so sickeningly sweet it makes my teeth hurt. So far, they have had absolutely no opportunity to spend time alone together, and I'm extremely cautious about allowing her to spend too much time with him, but he 'drops by' a lot, and he really don't quite get that the rules don't apply to him. He's called a number of times knowing she's lost phone privileges and tries to talk me into letting him talk to her. It's a no go, but that doesn't dissuade him.
The fact is, I'm not overly enamoured with this kid. He's perfectly nice, but not in ways that I trust. He can be charming, Eddie Haskell charming in fact. But behind it lies a kid that doesn't get consequences, has a LOT of issues, and needs some professional intervention in my opinion.
I've mentioned this boy several times before, and those of you who are longtime readers will recognize him as the Runaway. Yup, doesn't that make you happy? (Dripping sarcasm here.)
This is a kid who has real temper issues and needs some anger management training. He's told the Girl that he is unable to control his anger and that he thinks he's bipolar, but his guardians have not begun to seek any outside diagnosis. Sad that the kid knows more than the guardians about this stuff. I've met him mom, and she seems perfectly nice, but not effective as a parent. He doesn't live with her anyhow.
The fact of the matter is, I just don't trust him. And I'm just beginning to regain my trust in the Girl after she has lived through some really dumb teenage stunts. I need to feel comfortable about trusting them both, but I don't. Period.
The Girl has been even moodier than usual the past couple of weeks. Young love, sadness over her friend who isn't in town right now, dealing with school issues she can't understand, and a friend with a depression problem that counts on my Girl for continual support. OK, with that in mind, yesterday after she came out of therapy she was incredibly upset. She appeared to have cried and she was furious and very confrontational. When we got home she went upstairs and must have cried for a long time, then came down and started a fight with the Boy, when back up and cried some more, and then came down feeling a bit calmer. She refused to tell me why she was upset and would not give me even a hint as to what's been bothering her for the last couple of weeks.
So, I called her therapist today and asked simply what the topic was. I didn't ask for details, I just wanted to know what has been bothering her. She refused to tell me anything. Not one thing. My kid has been seeing this woman for over a year and a half and she has never once spoken to me. I'm a big believer in confidentiality between teens and their therapists, but this is the first time I've ever asked anything, and it's also the first time she's ever even acknowledged I exist. I don't want details, but I'd like to be at least pointed in the right direction so I can start a conversation without "are you upset about X?" "No, what about Y?" "How about Z?" That's irritating on a grand scale and I feel strongly that she should have given me at least a hint. She gave up nothing. She did offer to let me come to next week's session to see if the Girl wants to confide anything at all. Whooo hoooo! I feel special.
So parents of teens, what would you do? Would you go to the session? Do you think that is intrusive? Would you keep questioning your kid, or would you let it lay and hope that things improve on their own? Stumble It! JBlog Me