It is the best of times, it is the worst of times. And I'm basically freaking my little ass off about the worst of times.
We found out today that our family did not win the lottery for the camp scholarship, and there is just no way I can pay for a month of overnight camp right now. It isn't gonna happen. I had to tell the Girl today that she couldn't go away to camp, and she was so upset. I don't blame her one bit. EVERY single friend of hers goes for the entire summer. Nobody will be here all summer and she's going to be stuck here with her brother, both of them in crappy moods because they want to be entertained and I can't possibly entertain them because I now have work to do during the day.
I feel so badly for her. But I'm just so freaking sick of not being able to afford what are simple pleaasures. I deprive myself of everything. I have nothing new that belongs to me. I give everything I have to my kids and it isn't enough. I feel so much like a failure because I can't provide for my kids the want I want to. I'm not trying to 'keep up with the Jones". I can't do that. It's just impossible. I'm trying to provide my kids a decent summer experience that doesn't mean sitting on their butts and watching TV all day long.
My kids have never ever not gone to camp. They have always been away for at least a month. It's a time for them to be on their own, to grow as individuals, and to be away from each other. I want this for them. Actually, the boy really hates camp, but he was supposed to go to guitar camp for a month, and he was really looking forward to that. It was a day camp, but that was pretty much all he could handle for this summer. Now, he's not going. The Girl was supposed to go to overnight camp for a month, and then to CIT at our local Boys and Girls club. Now, she's not going to be able to do the month away, and it's questionable how much time we can afford at the B&G club.
I'm so sad about this. I feel like the economics of our life never ever get better, even when I am working and getting paid for it. The weather conspires against me, making us use heat in the middle of May. Heat I can't really afford. The price of gas is just outrageous. The cost of food keeps going up because of the gas crisis. It just never ends. I want so badly to make my kids have the fun that all their friends have. For the Girl, not going away to camp is a big punishment. She's literally the only kid that won't be going someplace for the summer. This sucks SO much I just can't even believe it's happening.
OTOH, with the Girl's graduation from Middle School looming ever closer, and with all of the girls planning their graduation wardrobes, it became necessary to set foot in a store and shop for an appropriate dress for her. We looked in Marshalls, but they had almost nothing. We looked in a couple of local stores, but again, not much that was appropriate. Dresses seem to be either too girly or too sophisticated. She wanted a halter dress in a bright print. We saw plenty of chocolate brown and black and white dresses, but not much in bright prints, and what we saw were just too fancy. So today we braved the drizzle and went to the mall. That's the kind of mom I am, braving the elements for dress shopping for my baby Girl.
I'm not much of a mall shopper. I'm not much of any shopper, but malls creep me out. Today, however, the mall was almost empty due to the weather. Of course, the escalator was broken. That never fails. We looked in a couple of stores. One had a dress we both loved but it was in the $400 range, so we didn't even bother to have her try it on.
As we were walking by Ann Taylor she spotted a dress she liked. We went in and looked at the dress, but it was around $200, so that was out. Then, way in the back I spotted the sale rack. A sale rack filled with summer dresses. We picked out 6 to try on. Some she didn't like, but I wanted her to see that the style was going to look good on her. Some were a bit too small in the waist, and too big in the boobs. But one she really liked fit like a glove. It was prefect for her. And it was marked down $50. Still well over what I wanted to spend (which was nothing), but within the realm of affordable. She agreed to put up half of the money from her babysitting, and so we bought it.
We've decided on light green shoes to match the green in the dress. She might change her mind and want pink shoes. I dunno, I'm so not into this whole fashion thing. But she has agreed to trim her hair before graduation. And she's going to do DDR for an hour a day and maybe lose a couple of lbs before the big day. Stumble It! JBlog Me