Name: margalit
Location: Massachusetts, United States Professional writer, educational advocate, opinionated ultra liberal mother of 18 year old twins, living life in the slow lane due to hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, congestive heart failure, and diabetes.

email: margalitc at yahoo dot com

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Friday, June 16, 2006

An alternative to Father's Day

I bet this is gonna surprise the hell out of you peeps. We don't celebrate Father's Day in our family. Honest! The weird thing is, this year we probably could, if I felt I had a reason to expend any energy on this Hallmark holiday. But, for a variety of reasons, I couldn't care less. Similar to my attitude regarding Mother's Day, except I'm here day in and day out, unlike the ex, who is absent in thought, word, and deed.

Never one to refuse a challange, when I received a letter from the state telling me that they had finally given up on locating the ex after 13 years of 'looking' I decided that I would make a concerted effort to find him. I have looked on and off over the years, but never really took it up as a challange until I got that letter.

It took me about 4 hours. During that time I had not only found my 3 former stepsons, but his other ex, his parents, and friends of his. It was a bonanza, including photos of the whole family, and 4 separate web sites belonging to the steps.

So what do I do with this stuff? So far, I've done next to nothing. I showed both the Boy and Girl the web sites, the photos, and let them read what they could about their brothers. The Girl was interested and surprised at how much the Boy resembles his brothers, especially in coloring. The Boy thought the brothers were interesting and shared many things in common with the two younger ones, but he showed a lot of anger towards his father. Anger I haven't seen much of up till now. I don't blame him, but it was surprising to see him express it so succinctly. I figured that it was important to let him express his anger, and then later he talked about how he would like to go to London and meet his brothers someday.

I suppose I should do something with the information, but since I've never been out of touch, and have sent updates and photos twice yearly updating the ex's family about us, I don't really think that writing him directly is going to make any difference. At this point, it's almost too late. I don't know if there would be any way to integrate him and the boys into our family.

So Father's Day is out. Nothing to celebrate, nothing to mourn. The ex looks healthy and happy. The boys are beautiful, all grown up and two already out of college and starting interesting lives of their own. I'm happy that they are all doing so well. It was nice to see, and it certainly provided a lot of closure. I guess I've moved on after all.
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Blogger Shane said...

well, the obvious comment is that the schmuck has no idea as to the gems in life he is missing. The not so obvi0ous comment is that well, i'm sure he'll post something on his website but then again, we can't all be brilliant. (sorry - did a lot of tequila shots this evening -- OH YEAH and who cares you guys are the bomb anyway!!!!)

16/6/06 11:24 PM  

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