Name: margalit
Location: Massachusetts, United States Professional writer, educational advocate, opinionated ultra liberal mother of 18 year old twins, living life in the slow lane due to hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, congestive heart failure, and diabetes.

email: margalitc at yahoo dot com

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Sunday, July 23, 2006

And it's all back to normal...sorta

The Girl returned to us this morning. She had a wonderful time at camp, and enthralled us with her many adventures for maybe an hour. She was the second person off the bus, and she looked like she hadn't slept in days. She had writing all over both her arms, writing that turned out to be Sharpie. What is she, two? After hugging her friends goodbye and pointing out the hot Israeli counselor that she had a mad crush on (very adorable, mom approved!), we loaded her junk into the car and went home.

Then she collapsed in a heap and slept for 4 hours. I think the Girl was tired. She looked so cute asleep, like she didn't have a care in the world. Of course, her junk was everywhere and she was oblivious to the mess she had made. I did make her put her dirty clothes into the washer before her nap, so she would have something clean to wear. She also showed me all the clothing she had traded for, including one trade where she traded a pair of pants that didn't fit her anymore with a cute pair of jeans that did. She's my girl, that one!

Once she finally awakened from her coma, and broght most of her junk upstairs, it was time to check her phone messages, chat with friends, complain about being bored, and try to read her MySpace account, which was thankfully down. By 8 she had already invited a friend over for the evening and was having a blast playing on the computer looking at funny web sites.

Thus, her brother started in being a jealous drag. Arguing incessently, poking her, and in general being the kid that just needs more attention that he'll ever get. Plus, he's off the computer for a couple of days for calling me "stupid" several times. Does he ever learn? No, he does not.

So it begins again.

The battle between demanding my attention and trying to irritate your sibling as much as possible. The Boy can't share, he can't lose, and he will argue to the ends of the earth begging for explanations that will suit him. But life isn't like that and at some point you just have to learn to take "no" for an answer. He finds that almost impossible to believe. I try not to engage, but it's difficult when you have a child that is more than fully verbal putting forth arguments that would make Alan Dersowitz stand up and take notice. This kid really needs to go on a debate team.

The arguing is difficult enough, but he has such a defeatest attitude. Any suggestion is met with derision and reasons why it couldn't possibly work. No matter what the suggestion, it's "stupid". He has no adventurous spirit. He doesn't want to try anything new. It must be completely familiar to him or it's bad. This is why he sits home watching TV and playing Xbox. Because that's safe for him and doesn't require any social interaction that might be daunting. But he isn't fun to be with 24/7 because he gets on my last nerve. His ADHD comes with knuckle cracking, banging, pounding, drumming, jumping, and pacing. PACING. Can you imagine living with someone who paces around and around and around until you just want to chop his feet clear off?

I am not the calmest person on the planet. I have my own issues with anxiety and stress, but I'm telling you, he's putting me over the edge. I just don't know what to do. I can't entertain him non-stop. I can't drive him places and hand over money like the other moms do. If he wants to go someplace he has to either let me know in advance so I can plan a ride, or he has to get there himself. So he sits. Day after day after day. Because it is physically and mentally impossible for him to plan ahead and he will not go anywhere on his own because it's too threatening. In the past 3.5 weeks he's walked once to a friend's house and once that friend came over and they walked to the store. That's it. He won't even go outside in the yard without me. Even for chores, I have to come with him or he will not do the chore. I'm about to rip my hair out.

So with the Girl back, it all escalates because she can't sit still for 5 minutes and wants to go go go all the time. She makes plans, she calls friends, she goes places on her own, and he sits there getting more and more jealous. He can't see that this is his own doing. He can't understand that he has to make an effort. He's just not able to do this, for some depressing reason. By Tuesday I'll be in tears with the bickering and tattling. I hate it.

I hate that my son, my beautiful brilliant son has ADHD and is bipolar. I think it sucks more than anything else in the world that his neurological makeup has made his anxiety and social fears so fierce. I want for him to be able to get out there and take the lead. But he can't. No matter how much I want him to, and how much I nag him to, he can't. It's too hard for him. For me I've lived with this doubly insideous diagnosis for a long time now, and I'm OK with giving him medications and doing doctor's appointments up the wazoo. I'd do anything to make his live easier. Anything. But it is so freaking hard. And it makes my heart hurt so much to watch his bewilderment about the social stuff that just alludes him.
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Blogger Erin said...

Debate might actually be really good for him - you have to be able to argue either side of the given issue. It was good for me, I debated both in high school and in college. It is high stress, though, so that's a definite negative.

I think that there are quite a few of us for whom social interactions aren't easy. At least he has a parent as supportive and caring as you are, who is willing to help him. Very few people are that lucky!

24/7/06 2:32 AM  
Blogger California Highway Guy - Daniel said...

Regarding your post over at "Observations along the Road" (http://cahwyguy.livejournal.com): The Sheriff didn't forget you; he just didn't have your birthday. To send him a postcard with your birthday, you need to (1) create an account on LiveJOurnal (free) with your birth day and month (he doesn't care about year); (2) let me know your user name (typically by friending me) so I can friend you back -- it is my friendslist that reminds me of birthdays.

24/7/06 7:12 AM  
Blogger jen said...

sounds like debate would be an excellent outlet for your son.

25/7/06 1:37 PM  

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