Name: margalit
Location: Massachusetts, United States Professional writer, educational advocate, opinionated ultra liberal mother of 18 year old twins, living life in the slow lane due to hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, congestive heart failure, and diabetes.

email: margalitc at yahoo dot com

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Sunday, July 30, 2006

Blogathon 2006 Post # 37

No nap for this mom. I finished reading a chick lit book . I'm so tired but so jacked up on caffiene I might never sleep again.

The Boy's post below was really upsetting. He's right, and he's so introspective. He is miserable, just as I've been posting for weeks. But he's never admitted this to me. This blogging thing, I think it's really good for him. He needs an outlet in which to be able to express himself, and he's not going to do it on his MySpace page. He's a great kid, but he's got a lot of stuff going against him, especially his neurological stuff. I don't know how to make him feel less odd and alone. No matter what I say or do, he just doesn't have the courage within himself to put himself out there socially. And with a mom like me for an example of the worst of social anxieties and phobias, I don't really know how to show him differently. Oh man, I feel so guilty now.

Which leads naturally into:

I wish....

I wish I could make it all better for the Boy. I've talked about this so many times on my blog. My heart aches for him. He's such a great kid, but he's lost. When I read about his insecurities tears well up in my eyes. I know all this, it's not a surprise to read what he says. But he's putting it out there for people to read, and that's a real cry for help.

I wish, I wish more than anything that I could make it better. When things were simple a few years back I could kiss it and make it better. No amount of kissing is going to make this better. No amount of medication is going to make this better. Even therapy isn't making this better. And I'm so sad because I'm helpless to change the reality. I don't know how. I wish I could just get an idea and voila, things would improve. I wish my Boy was happy again. He hasn't been in a very long time. Watching your child hurt is about as painful as it gets. I wish more than anything that his life would be easier.

What do you wish for?


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