Name: margalit
Location: Massachusetts, United States Professional writer, educational advocate, opinionated ultra liberal mother of 18 year old twins, living life in the slow lane due to hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, congestive heart failure, and diabetes.

email: margalitc at yahoo dot com

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Sunday, July 30, 2006

Blogathon 2006 Post # 45

One more reminder. I'm blogging for Children's Hospital of Boston. Please consider sponsoring me. I've stayed up all night, along with the Boy, to raise money for this most worthy institution. Children's Hospital never denies any child care, no matter what his insurance or financial situation is. They do so with community support. Any pledge, no matter how small, is welcomed. To pledge, click on the orange Blogathon button at the very top of my left sidebar. And thank you so much to all my sponsors. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your generosity!

They just don't understand....

This could easily be my most controversial post of the entire Blogathon. Yikes! I think most younger women that are SAHM's don't understand why women of my generation are disappointed that these women have tossed aside their educations and work experience to remain at home. This seems to be a generational thing. When I was in my twenties, women just did not stay at home unless they were unable to work. It wasn't a financial decision, it was a feminist ideology. Women fought so hard for the right to work, and to recieve a decent paycheck for their efforts. Women worked hard to get into colleges, and to turn gender segregated colleges into coed schools. It wasn't easy, and often it was dirty.

For our generation to have worked so hard to achieve even a modicom of equality and then to watch the next generation, who sauntered into coed schools and formerly male-based workplaces, and then just throw it all away to stay at home... well, it's hard to understand why.

Yes, I've read a million and one mommyblogger posts about how important it is to be with their children 24/7 and to raise them by themselves. But I don't buy that. I think it's easier to stay at home than to work all day and then come home and be a mommy, maid, and cook at night. In fact, because I've done both, I know it's easier to stay at home. It might not be as intellectually challanging, but it's easier, no doubt about it. Working moms don't just turn off their jobs when they walk in the door. They put on a second hat, the mom hat, and start up their second job. It's very hard to do that day in and day out. It's a lot less stressful to be at home. You have the same jobs and responsibilities, but a full day to get them done, not just a few hours every evening when you're already exhausted from a full day of work. So I really don't believe that it's all about being a better parent.

I do think that women are lying to their parents when they ask to attend expensive colleges and universities knowing that they have no intention of using their educations. I don't think it's honest to do so knowing that you're planning to be a SAHM. I also think that parenting is very different now, much more obsessive, than even 15 years ago, never mind when most women of my generation began parenting. Just look at the fears over what to eat when you're pregnant, vs what women ate 25 years ago. Or germs. Moms are so germ-phobic now that they walk around with purell cleaning every surface in sight. Moms who make a career of parenting tend to be in the attachment parenting, family bed, extended nursing school of parenting. I don't have any issue with that, but it's a lot different than how women of my generation raised their kids. There is so much more fear in parenting now. And that parenting fear tends to make moms more obsessive, more frightened of daycare, and more apt to stay home because there is a lack of trust that anyone can care for their child as well as they can.

Now there is even a backlash against preschool. That is beyond my comprehension. I cannot understand why SAHMs are so fearful of being apart from their children for even a few hours that they would deprive the child of social interaction. And no, park outings and occasional playdates are not the same thing as a preschool experience.

Which is why I think SAHMs don't understand the thinking of my generation and vice versa.

What don't they understand in your opinion?


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Blogger Karen said...

Wow...that's pretty controversial, but I guess it depends on who you are...the SAHM or the worker bee mom. In my short years of being a mom, I have already been both. I didn't beg my parents to go to college, in fact, all I have is my Associates Degree and I finished most of it after I got married and graduated after I had my baby (at the age of 26). It's expensive to put a child in day care, and I know for a fact that if we had another baby, it would be better for me to stay home, since my income isn't really all that much. I think it is more often a financial decision than you think, and I must say, it's difficult having a marriage, raising a child and being a co-worker. I am not one of those moms who feels like they can't send their kid to a preschool either. It was great for us after my son turned one, and the cost was not bad, although my husband works at the church where our preschool was, so we were already getting a huge discount! Again, financial decision.
I am sorry you don't feel like women in this generation respect and understand your thinking. I think it's all just different and maybe that's the real issue.
Delete if you like...I was really just coming from All Blog Stars to see your posts for the BlogAThon. :)

31/7/06 11:25 AM  

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