If you're gonna steal, go for the gold

Today is Wednesday, and that means the local paper has arrived with my favorite thing to read: The Police Blotter. We live in a town with a real dearth of crime, but somehow to police report amuses me no end week after week. This week did not disappoint!

We had three incidents of people stealing food this week. Now, I could go all social commentary on you and talk about how it's so freaking expensive in this city that people have to steal food to surive. But I won't. At least not now. Because what's amusing about three different people arrested for stealing food this week is that they all were stealing from Whole Foods, the "gold" standard for expensive, but good food.

Our first criminal was a 25 year old man from Allston (a section of Boston known for a high student population) was charged with shoplifting, recieving stolen goods, providing a false name and information to police and on four outstanding warrants. Police were called to Whole Foods Market on a report of shoplifting. The man had shoved store merchandise under his jacked and down his pants. The merchandise consisted of smoked-salmon spinach dip, proscuitto di parma, and beef tenderloin tips. Who says criminals don't have good taste?

Next we have two larcenies from the same purse reported at Whole Paycheck Foods, however this was a different location as we're so freaking rich in this town we have two locations. An employee reported that on aug. 20th, someone had taken money from her black leather handbag which she had left hanging on a hook at work. She reported the theft to store managment but not to police. Then, on Aug. 29th, her bank ATM card was stolen from the same wallet in the same purse under the same circumstances. Whole foods can't provide lockers for their employees? Cheapskates.

And lastly, a 45 year old woman from Wellesley was arrested on charges of shoplifting over $250 on Aug. 29. A "loss-prevention specialist" at Whole Foods Market reportedly observed the woman conceal several items and leave the store, at which point he apprehanded her and notified police. Unfortunately, the police blotter didn't mention what items she had stolen, but one has to wonder how she could have concealed over $250 worth of food in her clothing, but then again, we're talking Whole Foods. Sushi anyone?

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