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Name: margalit
Location: Massachusetts, United States Professional writer, educational advocate, opinionated ultra liberal mother of 18 year old twins, living life in the slow lane due to hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, congestive heart failure, and diabetes.

email: margalitc at yahoo dot com

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Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Internets, could you please stop?

Sneezing into the blogosphere, that is. Because you're obviously spreading your germs from your nose to your blogroll and everyone is suffering the consequences. I mean it, bloggies, have you noticed that every other blog on your bloglines is complaining about how sick they are? Have you read enough about snot in the past week to make you want to buy stock in Airborne? This must stop because it is making everyone cranky, whiney and boring.

I don't want to hear anymore about you hacking up a lung. I want to hear about your sex lives, your fights with your husbands and wives, and your political discontent. I want to know what you're doing with your lives beyond moaning from your sickbed about how you're dying....

Buck up, internets. It's just a cold. I'm sorry you feel so sucky, but geesh, head on over to your local CVS or Walgreens and peruse the cold and flu aisle. There are a plethora of bad tasting elixers on the market to make you feel better. Take them. Please.

Oh, and don't send your children to school when they are sick. Keep them home. I don't care if you're using up all your sick time on your own diseased body. Complain to HR that you're not able to survive on only 5 sick days per year. That's inhumane anyhow. By keeping your sick and infectious children home, they don't infect other innocent children, like mine. But it's too late, because you did send your sick infectious kids to school and now my kids have colds. So thanks, but no thanks.

And the 16 sneezes in a row I suffered through earlier? If that turns into a cold, you haven't even begun to hear moaning, I promise you. So cover your mouth when you cough up that lung, and keep your snot in the kleenix and not on your sleeve. I need to remain healthy and it's your job to ensure that I continue to be cold and flu free. It's all on your backs, internets. Do not fail me.
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2 Comments:

Blogger Dave2 said...

Wow! Could you please publish a COMPLETE list of the things I am not allowed to blog about? I wrote about being sick yesterday, and was ALMOST ready to write about my sex life and political discontent today... thank heavens I stopped by here first, because I don't want to make that mistake again!

:-)

4/10/06 8:17 AM  
Blogger Karen Rani said...

Oh bite me. :P

4/10/06 9:59 AM  

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