What is it about grocery shopping?

I'm the first to admit I absolutely abhor going to the grocery store. I'm not the best shopper in any type of store, but the grocery brings out the absolute worst in my family. When my kids were little I would grit my teeth and bring them along knowing that they were the worst kids in the store. Sad as it sounds, it's true. They were H O R R I B L E. My son spend many of his most formative hours in a time out at the front of the grocery store, face pressed into the coke machine. You know, because I'm a mean mom and I think that kids should attempt to behave themselves in public arenas. What a bitch, huh?

As they got older they tended to disappear to the magazine aisle and I'd be by my lonesome trying desperately to get everything we needed in record time, before they started fighting with each other. Then the grocery store did something that really ticked me off. They put in an aisle with video games right dead center of the store. Whose brilliant idea was that?

My kids would run as fast as they could to the video game console and then hog it for the hour I was shopping. When I asked for help, they yelled bloody murder. When other kids wanted to play, they got ticked off. They really weren't pleasant children and I was getting to the point where starving sounded better than a trip to the market.

Now that they're older, I've learned that certain stores (ones with a certain game console) are to be avoided at all cost. We hit the infamous market over the Mass Pike because it's small and it has those carts that wheel down to the basement where you exchange your number for your groceries. They put the groceries in the car for you, no tipping allowed. I like that. I'm usually so wiped by the time I'm done shopping that I like the extra service.

This grocery store has two things I like about it. A great Kosher section with pretty much everything I need for regular shopping, and no magazine or video games. Perfect. That means whomever I drag with me will actually help. Not so easy to get at other stores. Today it was the Boy's turn. He pushed the cart and begged for food that he knew I would never buy. Lucky Charms? I don't think so.

The big problem is coming home from the store. Once all the bags are carted inside, I usually park myself in front of the fridge and do a clean out of all the stuff that's empty, bad, or questionable. Then I do a quick wipedown of the shelves, and the kids start handing me stuff to put away.

Unfortunately, a certain person of the male persuasion believe that if you put something away, it's fine to do it in bowls and plates instead of using plastic containers. This week was no exception, and the dirty dishes starting piling up in the fridge. The Girl, who does the dishes, pitches a huge fit every time this happens. Actually, I don't blame her but she certainly is capable of pulling out a dish when it's been in the fridge more than a day or two.

She starts yelling at the Boy, he starts getting ticked because now he has another bag of garbage to empty, I'm getting ticked because both of them are acting like lazy dolts. Lather, rinse and repeat.

Next someone of the female persuasion stomps upstairs sulking, and when I demand for her to return to the scene of the crime, she comes down and refuses to talk to anyone. Like the silent treatment is going to work on me. Hah!

It's exhausting having the grocery drama. Which is why I'd rather just not go. Or have my home health aide go for me. But sometimes I have to bite the bullet and go forth and spend money on food.

Ear plugs. How could I have forgotten those?

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