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Name: margalit
Location: Massachusetts, United States Professional writer, educational advocate, opinionated ultra liberal mother of 18 year old twins, living life in the slow lane due to hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, congestive heart failure, and diabetes.

email: margalitc at yahoo dot com

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Friday, November 17, 2006

Dunkin Donuts: I give up!

Dear Dunks,

I can't take it any more. I call Uncle. I'm done. Fried. Finished. You must stop.

Not making your lucious coffee, please. Thats where your talents excel. And certainly not baking donuts. Oh my, never stop making donuts. Mmmmmm, donuts.

But you MUST stop that damn "Alarm Clock Catastrophe" commercial. Right now! Stop it. I can no longer take it. It is the earworm that kills and maims. It runs through my head at the oddest of times. Over and over and over, because you are evil people and you want to drive all of your customers insane. There is no other reason for this cruelty to humans. We are your customers. We want to spend our pennies on iced coffee and chocolate sticks. Honestly, we do.

However, if you do not stop that commercial, I will no longer be your friend. I will have to drag my ass to Starbucks and spend much more money for inferior baked goods and burnt coffee served by uppity baristas. OK, they speak English and they don't fuck up every single order, but still... they don't have donuts.

So stop already. It must be time to pull out the Christmas commercials. Heaven knows, everyone else has already bombasted us with the red and green. It must be your turn. Because it's time to make the donuts.

Your formerly loyal customer that you have driven insane with that stupid jingle,

Margalit
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4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yea, and those french toast things are "wicked bad" one might say "A Catastrophe, la, la, la la la la.....

17/11/06 11:36 AM  
Blogger Carmi said...

I'm still working the "time to make the donuts" guy out of my head. He's been haunting me since childhood.

DD has been in free-fall in Canada for years. There are none here in London, and come to think of it I haven't seen one anywhere north of the border in years.

But when we go to my in-laws' place in Florida, there's one nearby. And when Debbie and I get away for our much-cherished day alone, that's our first stop. Lovely place!

BTW, in response to your comment on my blog, I assembled a large number of pennies and bought a Nikon D80 a little over a month ago. I've been learning and exploring ever since. The results are definitely starting to come around as I become more comfortable with the controls. If you look really closely at the faucet picture, you'll see its reflection toward the right.

18/11/06 3:39 PM  
Blogger Kara said...

I'm so with you. But what I hate more than the infectious little jingle is John Goodman's voiceover. The man is a walking timebomb. He sounds morbidly obese. And, really, I need to live in a state of denial over my 600 calorie corn muffin, not be warned about what I could possibly become by eating one.

19/11/06 7:04 AM  
Blogger Moogie said...

I am grateful that I have not seen that commercial.

I have one thing left to say to you. Krispy Kremes.

The end.

19/11/06 5:08 PM  

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