Dunkin Donuts: I give up!
I can't take it any more. I call Uncle. I'm done. Fried. Finished. You must stop.
Not making your lucious coffee, please. Thats where your talents excel. And certainly not baking donuts. Oh my, never stop making donuts. Mmmmmm, donuts.
But you MUST stop that damn "Alarm Clock Catastrophe" commercial. Right now! Stop it. I can no longer take it. It is the earworm that kills and maims. It runs through my head at the oddest of times. Over and over and over, because you are evil people and you want to drive all of your customers insane. There is no other reason for this cruelty to humans. We are your customers. We want to spend our pennies on iced coffee and chocolate sticks. Honestly, we do.
However, if you do not stop that commercial, I will no longer be your friend. I will have to drag my ass to Starbucks and spend much more money for inferior baked goods and burnt coffee served by uppity baristas. OK, they speak English and they don't fuck up every single order, but still... they don't have donuts.
So stop already. It must be time to pull out the Christmas commercials. Heaven knows, everyone else has already bombasted us with the red and green. It must be your turn. Because it's time to make the donuts.
Your formerly loyal customer that you have driven insane with that stupid jingle,
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