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Name: margalit
Location: Massachusetts, United States Professional writer, educational advocate, opinionated ultra liberal mother of 18 year old twins, living life in the slow lane due to hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, congestive heart failure, and diabetes.

email: margalitc at yahoo dot com

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Tuesday, December 12, 2006

I feel the weight of the world upon me

I should not watch stressful movies or tv. I must repeat that a million times. I know that emotional tv and movies affect my mood. I know that I tend to get depressed easily this time of year. The combination of the two is deadly. I know this intellectually, but I'm evidentally having a permanent brain freeze or something because I've been watching Huff all this week and now I'm close to tears all the time. Nothing in particular is making me sad. Oh, the state of the world sucks and I'm frightened all the time by the growing antisemitism all over the world, and the conference for holocaust deniers in Iran is totally pissing me off, especially because there are Hasids in attendance which makes me NUTS, but on the whole things are marching along just fine.

I'm a financial wreck, but what else is new? My kids are going to have a very sparse holiday, but they know and expect it, so we're just dealing with it. My horrible job that I hated more than life itself is over, thank God, and the nutty boss never even made the effort to say "thank you" for all that I did. It didn't surprise or upset me, because it's so typical of him, but geesh...

School is going well for both kids. Tomorrow is the Boy's big holiday party and I'm to make a vat of cranberry sauce for it. Easy as pie and quick. No problem there. The Girl will be attending, and then I have a cardiologist appointment right afterward so (sob) no sugar at all for this girl. It's SO not fair! But if I eat sugar and she tests my blood sugar as I know she will, I'll get yelled at. So I won't, even though there will be cheesecake and all sorts of homemade cookies and candies. I'm taking a doggie bag home for after the appointment because I am very bad. Yes, I am.

The weather has been unreal. Never can I remember a mid-December day where all I need to wear is a polar fleece hoodie. This is just like winter in the Bay area. I just wish it would stay this way, but eventually it will snow and I will feel sad until I go out at night in a snowstorm and walk the neighborhood. Then I will cheer up for I love the smell and sound of a snowstorm, the silence broken only but my breath and the crunch of my boots on the packed powder. I'll make hot chocolate and we'll drag the sleds off the front porch and slide down our enormous hill and hope we don't end up in the street. It will be OK. I will make it through the winter and come out of it in spring feeling like pioneer woman.

But in the meantime I am sad and I'm not sure why. I just keep making tears that silently well up in my eyes and roll down my cheeks. I will perk up and regain my sense of the absurd. But for now, it's cranberry sauce and getting dinner on the table. No more Huff for a few days though. I can't take the emotional toll.

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6 Comments:

Blogger Dave2 said...

This kind of makes me glad that I have no idea what a "Huff" is!

Feel better. :-)

12/12/06 7:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This made me sad to read. And yours is the 4th blog I read tonite where all 4 bloggers are feeling just like you.

I wish there was something I could say that would have the impact it would take to bring some joy in your life.

I can't. So, I'm going with this ...

I went to the bank today with my jeans on inside-out. I was mad when I got dressed and wasn't paying attention.

I didn't notice until AFTER I left the bank.

Did that help?

12/12/06 9:46 PM  
Blogger Teena said...

I feel sad for you. I was like that last month. Whatever it was worked itself out.

Take care.

I'm here via Blog Fodder.

12/12/06 9:48 PM  
Blogger margalit said...

Oh Java, thank you! I did have a good laugh. It reminded me of the time I went to work with my dress on backwards AND inside out and wore it like that all day until someone kind finally took me aside and clued me in. This after I was in the bathroom with the full length mirror at least 3 times that day and didn't notice!

Oy!

13/12/06 12:46 AM  
Blogger OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

"Huff" is soooo wonderful..! And as funny as some of it is..the other side of it is deeply depressing...I think the writing AND the acting are exquisite...!

Hope your tests come out really fine Margalit...

About Port Washington: When I was growing up in Great Neck, there wasn't one Temple in Port Washington..NOT ONE!...And in fact there was only the one Temple in Great Neck...My parents and 13 other families helped to start that Temole in 1931. Later...like in the early 50's, a second Temple finally came to Great Neck...but Port Washington, Manhasset, etc..had no Temples, what-so-ever....Times change, don't they?

13/12/06 12:49 AM  
Blogger margalit said...

Dave,

Huff is a FABULOUS show on Showtime. I don't have cable (I KNOW!) but we've been renting the DVDs from Netflix. It is a don't miss series, although it has not much in the nubile young things that you love in your Veronica Mars obsession. But it's great.

Story is that Huff, a shrink, has a young patient that tells his parents he's gay, and then goes to Huff's office and shoots himself. The suicide has huge repercussions for Huff, his employees, his patients, and especially his family and attorney (played with great hilarity by Oliver Platt). His mother is Blythe Danner, and she's just so horrible, racist and oblivious, but also fabulous. Hank Azaria plays Huff. Honest, you have GOT to see it. Gut wrenching, but so freaking good you can't stop watching.

13/12/06 12:52 AM  

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