Name: margalit
Location: Massachusetts, United States Professional writer, educational advocate, opinionated ultra liberal mother of 18 year old twins, living life in the slow lane due to hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, congestive heart failure, and diabetes.

email: margalitc at yahoo dot com

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Wednesday, December 06, 2006

When good kids make bad choices

Every year, the Boy's school program has a huge holiday party. The kids in the program are allowed to invite friends and family, but in addition to the large crowd of relatives attendees include the mayor of the city, the superintendent of schools and his associates, the juvenile judge for our city, and various other dignitaries. It's a big crowd with excellent food and lots of fancy desserts. Most of the food is donated by the parents, who really tend to go overboard to make it a really delicious repast. I attended last year and had a good time considering I didn't know anyone and ended up hanging with the kids more than the adults. Goes to show you my mental age, huh?

This year the Boy has flatly refused to invite his sister, even though she is in the same school and knows many of the kids in his program. He will not budge on this. He absolutely will not even consider it, even though I have explained how rude and hurtful it is, and how it bothers me enough to say that if he will not invite her, I won't come either. He is very angry at me for being 'controlling' but can't see his own controlling behavior. I've told him again and again that he's making a choice, and me not attending is the consequence of his choice. He chooses not to see that, and has made the Girl the villian in all this. She isn't, she just wants to check out the food. It's not unreasonable considering that the party is held in three separate rooms and there are over a hundred people there at any given time. It's only two hours long, but he feels that he just can't allow her into his program.

I'm really angry at him. I feel this is an impasse that is ridiculous and he's being beyond stubborn. Every time he brings it up, I remind him that I will not be attending unless he invites his sister. Now the director of his program has called (I didn't get the call) and wants me to call him back about this. I don't really think it's the business of the program director to get involved in our family's issues. I think this is something we need to solve on our own. But until the Boy sees that he is being wholely unreasonable that isn't going to happen.

I'm so disappointed in him. I think he's acting like a perfect despot, trying to manipulate people into doing what is morally wrong. He's furious with me and his sister, but mostly me because he doesn't understand that his behavior is hurtful to his sister and to me. I can't get my point across because he's so angry. This has been an ongoing issue for weeks now, and he isn't budging. I feel badly that I'm going to end up not attending this party when I want to, but to do so would negate my feelings that he's being exclusive and rude. I don't handle rude well.

I'm going to tell the program director that my mind is made up and I will not allow the Boy to try and manipulate me into going against my feelings and ethics. And then I'm going to start screaming to beat the band because I am so completely frustrated with this god-damn teenage angst. Really, it's enough already!

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