Name: margalit
Location: Massachusetts, United States Professional writer, educational advocate, opinionated ultra liberal mother of 18 year old twins, living life in the slow lane due to hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, congestive heart failure, and diabetes.

email: margalitc at yahoo dot com

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Thursday, January 11, 2007

Irritated beyond belief

This seems to be one of those phases that you just wish would end yesterday. I'm about to jump out of my skin because the Boy is literally driving me nuts. I love this kid, honest I do. But he can be so difficult to live with that I can only see him doomed to a lonely life because no same woman would want to hook up with him longterm. He's that annoying.

Much of it is just guy stuff. He's lazy and unhelpful and resents ever being asked to do anything around the house, even his designated chores. Everything is "in 10 minutes" or an argument. There is never a "Sure" involved. He's messy, he doesn't see things right in front of him, he leaves stuff all over the house. He never listens because he's too busy formulating an argument in his mind. It's like I'm talking to a wall most of the time. Those are guy things, and yes, they are annoying but they seem to be almost a gender specific thing.

What is driving me nuts is the constant arguing. This kid will argue about the color of the sky if he is allowed to. He will not disengage. He must have the last word. And everything out of his mouth is an argument. EVERYTHING. I say white, he says black. I say cold, he says hot. Try living with that and tell me how you deal with it. Because I'm not dealing with it very well.

Worst of all, he is snide, rolls his eyes, treats me with disdain, swears like a dock worker, and calls me names. Oh, and he treats his sister the same way. It's partly due to his bipolar stuff and working hard on getting the right medications, which so far have been hit or miss. But it is also due to being a terrible teen and finally starting (we think) to go through puberty. One other factor that I believe is relevant is that every single one of his friends is at least 2-3 years older than he is, and many are 4 years older. This is the downside of grade skipping.

I try to talk to him reasonably, but there is no reasoning with him. If I even mention that his behavior is sorely lacking humility, he goes postal on me. I can't even think of the last evening where I didn't have to send him upstairs to his room to calm down. He gets so angry, and when he's angry, it's painful for everyone around him.

I know he's frustrated. I know he's having a very hard time being on an even keel right now. I know that there is some manic behavior that he can't control, but the constant yelling and swearing are wearing me down to the point of virtual exhaustion. I seem to have lost my sense of humor and my interest in living. I'm tired all the time. I just want to bury my head under the covers and hope that he goes away and leaves me along. Lately I don't even want him to touch me, which of course makes him demand hugs and lots of physical contact with me. Ugh.

Whenever the relationship with my kids veers off track, and it does with both kids, the other one seems to pull up the slack and become so much easier to deal with. There is seemingly always one on my 'blackest of black lists' to quote my nutsoid mother. So of course now the Girl and I are getting along like gangbusters and are developing a really excellent relationship. We're really enjoying each other's company and having a great time together.

So what does this mean? It means the boy is angry and jealous and treats his sister with even more derision that usual. He is cruel to her, just as he is cruel to me. It's so demeaning to be insulted by your kid, even when I know intellectually that this is part of being bipolar. I get all the psychology and neurology of the disease. I just don't know how to balance that with the bad behavior and the bad feelings that it leaves behind.

I'm sad right now, because this is my special boy and we've always had a great relationship. Intellectually we're very sympatico and I greatly admire and appreciate him He is funny and smart and interesting when he's on an even keel. But when he is raging and behaving poorly much of the time, it makes me just want to strangle him. I can't seem to find a way to compensate for my feelings of anger and hurt towards him. I want to, but he just is irritating the ever-living life out of me right now.

One thing that I am doing that I think has a potentially positive reaction is cutting out processed sugars. He has never appeared to be affected by sugar and caffeine is actually calming for him, but I'm taking a stance and cutting all junk food out of our diet. Hopefully, that will help. So far, nada.

And this is why I'm sad, pissed off, and decidedly unfunny right now. I hope it changes soon because this phase totally and completely sucks.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh!! The eye rolling bugs me more than anything else. I just want to grab those eyeballs and take them away from them for just a little while until they can really appreciate them.

I often tell my children it's amazing how I've made it this far in my life considering how stupid they think I am.

UGH! Hang in there. It sucks.

12/1/07 1:49 PM  

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