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Name: margalit
Location: Massachusetts, United States Professional writer, educational advocate, opinionated ultra liberal mother of 18 year old twins, living life in the slow lane due to hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, congestive heart failure, and diabetes.

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Tuesday, February 20, 2007

the first step is admitting you have a problem

Hello, thank you all for coming to this "Go Fish" intervention . This is your intervention leader, The Boy. We have all come here today to help my mom with an addiction of sorts. For you see, my beloved mother, has a serious and sometimes fatal addiction to the card game "Go Fish". "How is this fatal?" is what you are probably all thinking. I will now attempt to answer this question with a short and concise statement, "IF SHE DOESN'T STOP WITH THIS RIDICULOUS ADDICTION TO THIS STUPID 4 YEAR-OLD APPROPRIATE GAME, i'M GONNA BLOW HER FRICKEN BRAINS OUT!!!!!!!!!

Now that I have that out of my system, I would like to get more in-depth with this serious problem. For as long as I can remember, my mom has always had a problem with "go fish". Dating back to my days as a toddler, she has always been quite, what's the word? OBSESSED with this obnoxious game. I never used to mind this addiction as a child, but now that I've gotten older, and more mature with each passing year, I've begun to realize what a terrible disease my poor mother has. My mother is a "fishaholic". She refuses to play, or even consider playing any other game than her dear "fish". To make things worse, the second I suggest any other game, she must (this is no joke) in her best 2 year old voice, scream "fish", "fish", in the most obnoxious, madness inducing voice you have ever had the displeasure of hearing. Oh how I have grown to hate this mediocre and downright childish game. I have suggested grown up games, such as scrabble, I'm very proud to say I can beat my adult mother who has a PHD from harvard at a game as sophisticated as scrabble. I've also suggested trivial pursuit, which I can also beat her at. But, as they say, resistance is futile (for she is the one who owns the house, the car, the computer, the TV, and so on, and so forth). So you see, she is utterly and completely addicted to "go fish". I don't know what to do with her anymore. I am at my wits end about this. I have even thought about applying to Dr. Phil, about this, but then I remember how much I hate that giant embaressment of a human being (my hatred for Dr. Phil is a whole other story that I might tell you about at a better time). As for now, I am going to try and help her through this rough time in her life, and hopefully she will come out a much better (and much less obnoxious) person.


Please, If you have any suggestions, feel free to give me them in the form of a comment on this post.


Yours, ON THE BRINK OF INSANITY, The Boy.

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4 Comments:

Blogger Mamma said...

Dear THE BOY,

Fishaholism is a terrible disease. You are a brave soul just to be willing to discuss it in this venue.

My advice would be to soak all cards to be used in said "game" in fish juice for 24 hours and then set them in the sun for another 24. Then place the cards under your poor mother's pillow.

I think this might help.

If not, let me know. We'll explore the possibilities for Plan B.

Best of luck!!

20/2/07 7:57 PM  
Blogger margalit said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

21/2/07 2:22 AM  
Blogger Belinda said...

Dear Boy, I heart you. And no one will play games with me for that very same reason. Once, before we were married, Alex and I played Spades with my parents--he was not my partner, and he forced me to eat "the b*tch" and lose what was shaping up to be a tremendous hand.

I punched him in the arm as hard as I could and threw my cards across the room and yelled at him for, like, 10 minutes. My poor parents were so embarrassed.

He married me anyway.

But seriously, "GO FISH?" Come ON.

21/2/07 10:25 PM  
Blogger margalit said...

Well Ms Judgy Judge, what's wrong with Fish? It's a nice wholesome game. No gambling involved, too. I love Fish. And I'm so freaking good at it. My poor children still have not figured out any of my fabulous Fish skillage, either. Heh!

Glug glug...

21/2/07 11:33 PM  

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