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Name: margalit
Location: Massachusetts, United States Professional writer, educational advocate, opinionated ultra liberal mother of 18 year old twins, living life in the slow lane due to hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, congestive heart failure, and diabetes.

email: margalitc at yahoo dot com

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Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Hormones totally suck in middle age

Remember last month, when I was shocked into incoherence by the sudden appearance of that old windbag "Aunt Flo" after a year of peace and quiet? What a joke the bitch played on me, huh? Well, guess who is back, exactly 30 days from her last appearance? That freaking hag. I hate her. I thought, nay, I was SURE I would never see her again. I went a full year without so much as a peep from her, because that's what the medical community call Menopause. But the keyword seems to be Pause, because, at least in my case, it has not be MenoGone4Ever. Oh no, that would be too easy. Nothing ever goes easily for me.

I should have known she was coming. I had hints. But I ignored them because I'm never ever regular. I never have been. That's the extra special part about PCOS... you never know when Aunt Flo is going to knock on your uterus for a nice dusting and cleaning. For years, and I mean my entire womanly life, I've been irregular except when I'm on BCP. And even with the BCP, I'm never quite regular. Close, but never the same 28-32 day cycle. Nope. Never.

But now, at the grand old age of 54, my body has discovered that regular periods might just be the way to go. Is that horrifying or what? Which leads me to some really interesting questions.

Like, could I get pregnant again? Heck, I skipped the last 15 years fertility wise, so I must have plenty of those pathetically dried up eggs left, right? Wouldn't THAT be a kick! Because I have so much energy for infancy.

Is this because I've lost so much weight? I'm below my pre-pregnancy weight now, and although I still have much weight to go, I have to wonder if this weight might be the target weight for the fertility button to go off in my battered old body.

(Let me interrupt to report that the Girl has crawled, yes C R A W L E D, from the living room to the kitchen, where she has collapsed on the floor in exhaustion because there is a large sink of dishes awaiting her, and one cannot possibly do dishes without much drama, can one?)



Now, back to me. Because who is important here? That's right, bucko. Me.

Does this mean that I have to start perimenopause counting all over again, too? Because if I'm getting regular periods, then that means I'm no longer in either menopause or perimenopause. And if that doesn't suck lemons, I don't know what does.

Did you know that John Travolta and Oprah Winfrey, who I both loathe, are each a year younger than I am. No gray hair on those heads. And why do I think that Oprah has some special magic potion person who gets her periods for her?

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1 Comments:

Blogger Genilimaa said...

Ha ha, I love the doing-dishes drama! Can't wait to have some of that (mine are still only 3 and 5).

Also, why isn't there a menopause switch somewhere? I would flick it right about now.

I'm here visiting after reading a tip over at Kitten Down Under's.

24/2/07 2:31 PM  

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