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Name: margalit
Location: Massachusetts, United States Professional writer, educational advocate, opinionated ultra liberal mother of 18 year old twins, living life in the slow lane due to hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, congestive heart failure, and diabetes.

email: margalitc at yahoo dot com

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Wednesday, February 14, 2007

The Unfortunate Truth in Advertising

This has been making the rounds of the Jewish email like wildfire. Anyone who has been through this event can attest that this is, by far, the truest rendition of what the b'nai mitzvah has turned into. I got it both yesterday and today by friends who have done it twice. I wouldn't wish multiple times on my worst enemy.

Enjoy!


It is with great stress, emotional and physical fatigue and incredible
financial sacrifice beyond comprehension, that we invite you to join us as

our wonderful son

Jacob "Scott" Adam

is called to the Torah as a Bar Mitzvah
Saturday, May 12th -
(yes we realize its Mother's Day Weekend)

Temple Israel

14 Coleytown Road
Wxxxxx, Connecticut 06880

at the ungodly hour of 9 am
(even though you don't really need to be there until 10:20 am to catch the real action)

If you make it through the 3 hour service, please skip the kiddush (its
just cookies and cake) and join us instead for an overly large and ostentatious
Kosher (my husband's idea) evening meal, which starts at 7 PM,
(not 8 PM..or you will miss out on the 2000 canap├ęs)

Birchwood Country Club
25 Kings Hwy S
Westport, CT 06880
(which we had to join just for this event

and you would not believe the initiation fees)

You will be in the presence of lots of boisterous and expensive
entertainment and 60 to 70 unruly pre-teens wearing expensive dresses,
funny hats, fake bling and brand new white ankle socks... as well as 80-100 middle aged+ adults, some balding, some with bad toupees, most will be professionally
coiffed, designer attire galore, lots of REAL bling, and most "tootsed" to the
nines. At least 1/3 will be hormonally challenged and some will act stupid while
under the influence. Some will not even know where or who they are. Some

will complain about the food. Blah Blah Blah.

Please have the courtesy of showing up if you RSVP that you are attending,
or you will be billed for $210.00 sama plate if you are a no-show.

Please RSVP as soon as you get this and not a day before the cut-off date.
I can't take the stress. The gift of choice is either green or contains a
routing and account number. "Off the top of your head" gifts and
Gift Cards are a waste of your time and ours.

Hope you can make it!

Lisa and David Miller

Dress: Black Tie optional
Theme: 007 James Bond

BYO Kippot: I don't have the strength


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3 Comments:

Blogger Dave2 said...

Wow.

If I were Jewish, I think I would have to remain childless since I could never afford this kind of party.

Unless I were to sell my newly-Mitzvahed child into eternal servitude at said country club in exchange for the festivities.

And, though it's been a while since I've read it, I'm pretty sure this kind of thing is frowned upon in the Torah.

15/2/07 12:35 AM  
Blogger The Scribe said...

That is so, so true!
Rhea
The Boomer Chronicles

15/2/07 9:57 AM  
Blogger yellojkt said...

I'm there, and I'm not even Jewish. Sounds like a perfectly awful time.

16/2/07 11:29 PM  

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