Name: margalit
Location: Massachusetts, United States Professional writer, educational advocate, opinionated ultra liberal mother of 18 year old twins, living life in the slow lane due to hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, congestive heart failure, and diabetes.

email: margalitc at yahoo dot com

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Tuesday, March 20, 2007

When good inventions go sour

I feel like Jerry Seinfeld.

What is it with fitted sheets? The idea of them is great. You have this sheet that cradles your mattress corners and keeps the sheet down no matter what kind of playground your bed becomes. But, are they the best idea ever? Or even a clever idea when you try to fit them into your not so spacious linen closet. I think not.

Perhaps it is just me. But I cannot, for the life of me, fold a fitted sheet nice and flat. I am perhaps more persnickety than most about folding items. I like everything just like in the laundry detergent advertisements, folded perfectly neatly with nary a wrinkle in sight. Everything the same size, everything in the same direction. For I am slightly OCD when it comes to folding.

Which makes the fitted sheet my bugaboo. Oh, I know how to fold them. I know you grab the corners and stuff them all together neatly, making a pocket of the top quarter. I know you're supposed to smooth down all the folded edges and then fold the sheet up just like you would a flat sheet.

But, what I know, and what I see in my linen closet are two separate things. Fitted sheets do not lie neatly in the closet. They are lumpy. They hardly ever fold into a nice pretty package. They have funny bulges and look somewhat mutant. They annoy me.

In the grand schema of things, you know, like we're starting year 5 of the biggest waste of taxpayer money in the history of the United States, and for what, folding a fitted sheet seems like a silly thing to moan about. But they bug me, those lumpy sheets in my otherwise pristine linen closet.

This morning, as I attempted to fold a lovely blue and white polka-dotted flannel sheet, I got more and more frustrated. It is residue from attending a vigil in the cold, standing with candles burning in little paper cups, sadly thinking about the latest casualty the Commonwealth lost this past Sunday in Iraq. A 20 year old man/boy from Lowell. Someone who was home 8 short days ago visiting his parents. Someone who went back to that joke of a war and lost his life. It angers me beyond just about anything I can think of, and I'm taking it out on my fitted sheets.

Displaced anger is something that every parent of a teenager knows intimately. It is the way of the teen, to come home angry and frustrated and take it out on their parents, their siblings, and in some cases, the furniture. I have displaced anger. I am furious with our leadership in this country. I am so sick of Condy Smugface telling us that staying the course is the right thing to do. I am beyond repulsed at the Shrub, a moron so pathetic he cannot string 5 words together into a cohesive sentence, refusing to listen to the people that did not elect him...twice. I am irritated that every penny of the country's sad coffers is going to this ridiculous exercise in futility, and meanwhile our former great nation cannot afford to provide health care to it's citizens, maternity care for it's mothers, a decent education for it's children, and a safety net for it's most fragile citizens.

Something is terribly wrong, and I'm taking it out on my sheets. I blame my sheets because I cannot smooth out the wrinkles this nation is flagrantly displaying. I can't get that lumpy Bush and his cabal of crazies out of office, no matter how many times I fluff and fold. This is making me crazy.

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Blogger Jenny said...

LOL. I feel your pain. I've always folded the fitted sheet the best I can and then stick it in the last fold of the matching flat sheet. The weight of the fold of the flat sheet, along with the matching folded pillow cases that I stick in as well seem to flatten the fitted sheet that extra bit for stacking neatly in the closet. (did that make any sense -- it's much easier to show than to tell) Maybe Martha Stewart's new tome I saw in B&N the other day has the secret...anyone feel like perusing through 700+ pages to find the solution??

20/3/07 12:19 PM  
Blogger Her Majesty said...

I do the same as Jenny. But I'm staying out of politics for a spell.

20/3/07 4:56 PM  

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