Name: margalit
Location: Massachusetts, United States Professional writer, educational advocate, opinionated ultra liberal mother of 18 year old twins, living life in the slow lane due to hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, congestive heart failure, and diabetes.

email: margalitc at yahoo dot com

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Thursday, June 28, 2007

Distressing BF update

Through subterfuge, my kid was able to get a message to BF, asking BF to please call my kid during camp. BF called today. The news is not good. Not good at all. I'm now so upset I just do not know what to do.

BF reported that Dad took every single bit of technology away. All computers are locked up in basement. He has BF's cell phone (more on that in a bit). TV, Ipod, all gone. Land line, gone. Even clock radio gone. BF is totally separated from the world. BF is not allowed to go anywhere, talk to anyone except for camp. BF said that the only thing BF can do is sleep, draw, and read. BF is not a reader. BF is spending all the time sleeping. BF thought that all his/her friends deserted BF. Had absolutely no idea that people were worried. Said that Dad told BF that too much family information was being shared, which is why BF is in isolation. Isolation will be in effect until school starts in September. So not cool.

BF said that police, sheriff (who knew we even had a sheriff!) and DSS came to home. NEVER questioned BF alone. Talked to Dad, who was furious and lied. What a big surprise. BF said nothing about being physically examine. BF also said that Dad filed a false claim report. I didn't know there was such a thing, but that is what BF said. BF also believes, as Dad does, that love interest made the call.

Now, the cell phone. Dad has BF's phone, and has been texting Love Interest and other people leaving false information. He texted Love Interest and "broke up with him" and left threats. There were at least 4 text messages. He has also left Friend text messages. In addition, any calls to BF have not been reported to him/her, so BF does not know how many people have tried to get in touch with BF. Grandma is complicit in this, not telling BF about phone calls coming in for BF. Love Interest has no clue that texts are fake. LI is highly upset and away at camp.

So that's the update. Obviously, I'm more than a little bit concerned. BF isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, and we're dealing with a kid with a LOT of learning disabilities. BF doesn't understand the subtle nuances of what's going on. My kid was giving BF hints about talking to Dad, calling DSS, etc. BF didn't get it. What is happening in that house is unacceptable. You can't do that to a kid. Especially a kid that did nothing wrong. This proves my suspicious that Dad is off his rocker. So what are the options?

Call DSS and report this and add the sexual abuse to the initial report.
Do nothing and stew all summer, worrying.
Try and talk to Dad, which obviously won't do a thing but make more trouble.

I didn't even get a chance to talk about this to our family therapist because we had such a "lively" session this morning, as both kids were totally 'on'. Oh my God, I think the therapist was dying to just run away screaming. It was kinda funny it was so horrible.

Help me decide what to do next, please.

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Blogger Dayngr said...

I would call and report this ASAP and I would stop by and check in as much as possible on the child (is that possible). I'd let Dad know people are on to him and he better get his shit straight. If he thinks that other parents are watching him he might be a little less likely to do something awful again.

28/6/07 4:00 PM  
Blogger Neil said...

I think you should call your family therapist and ask for a some extra time because the therapist might have the best professional advice.

28/6/07 4:03 PM  
Blogger boogiemum said...

I would call the national domestic hotline and see what they think 1-800-799-SAFE. I know that most people don't think of child abuse as domestic violence, but it does fall into that category. I used to work for a DV hotline & shelter and had a lot of these type of calls come in and actually assisted in making the reports.

IMO you should call and insist on the DSS going to the BF camp to interview him. The squeaky wheel gets the oil and I have seen many times this being the only way certain situations get the needed attention. You could also call the BF's camp and try to talk to them, as I am sure they are required to report any suspicions.

The BF is very lucky to have you caring and helping out...

28/6/07 4:28 PM  
Blogger Flutterby said...

I have to second what boogiemum said; if this child is at least going to day camp, then she's out on her own several hours for the day and someone needs to be made aware of this. Family services (DSS?) whatever it's called in your state anyway, canNOT be allowed to let this slide. If nothing else, someone at the camp needs to be made aware. In some, if not all, states, it is illegal for people in certain sectors to even just suspect abuse and not report it, and camp counselors could certainly fall into the category. Taking away all the *stuff* is not illegal; mean, but not illegal. Parents are required to give their kids food, clothing, shelter, and medical care. There are no laws for the most part governing the requirements of anything else. I can't imagine being in your shoes and having to deal with this. I think the inclination for me to give that dad a taste of his own medicine would probably get me in trouble.

28/6/07 10:36 PM  
Blogger margalit said...

I don't think I've mentioned that, as a certified teacher in my state, I'm a mandated reporter. I take that pretty seriously. So I have no choice but to report this.

Since my last post I've discovered that Dad has done some outrageously illegal goings on, compromising the safety of at least one minor. He's lied to everyone (not surprising) and he's playing a VERY dangerous game. I'll be calling the authorities in the morning to check in and to report other issues. If this man gets to keep his kid at this point, I'm going right to the director of the program and the media. It's THAT bad.

28/6/07 11:14 PM  
Blogger Juggling Frogs said...

Hang in there, Margalit.

I just discovered your blog and haven't caught up on all the backstory yet, but wish you the wisdom, strength and courage to deal with this in the best way possible.

May you bring light to BF's life.

28/6/07 11:32 PM  
Blogger Robin said...

What a horrible situation. BF is lucky to have you in his corner. I hope you are able to light a fire under the authorities and get this kid the help and support he so desperately needs.

29/6/07 12:50 AM  
Blogger Chris said...

I'm so sorry that you (and that poor child, obviously) are going through this. I think you're doing everything right and I admire you for taking it on.

My thoughts will be with all of you.

29/6/07 8:15 AM  
Blogger Major Bedhead said...

Good grief, Margalit. What a mess! That child is lucky to have you in his/her corner. I hope this all comes out ok.

29/6/07 6:34 PM  

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