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Name: margalit
Location: Massachusetts, United States Professional writer, educational advocate, opinionated ultra liberal mother of 18 year old twins, living life in the slow lane due to hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, congestive heart failure, and diabetes.

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Monday, June 18, 2007

Seriously Ewwwwwwwww

Sometimes I think people just are insane. I mean, you think your life is going on at a regular old level, and then someone throws up a product for sale, one that just makes your skin crawl. Introducing the Home Semen Detection Kit. Oh yeah, you read that right.

Don't trust your wife or girlfriend. Or even your boyfriend for that matter? What about that teenage daughter? Are you sure the entire neighborhood isn't out screwing your family while you're at work? Well, worry no more! You can now test your daughter's underwear and your wife's sheets and see what they've been up to. Who needs CSI to come to your house and check for semen? You can now do it yourself!

Look at what the advertisement says:

The CheckMate Semen and "Sperm" Detection Test Kit is the easiest and most cost effective way to put an end to the nightmare of suspicion and doubt caused by the infidelity of a cheating spouse or of a sexually active teen. Quickly, easily, and accurately detect and identify semen in undergarments in 5 minutes or less. The Check Mate Infidelity Test Kit tests 5-10 articles of clothing for the presence of semen and works on any type or color of material. Check Mate also provides instant results without damaging or staining the article being tested. If any traces of semen are present on the area you decide to test, even in the smallest trace amounts, the CheckMate Semen Detection Test Kit will detect it. Invisible traces of dried semen can easily be detected for up to 2 years.
Man, I'm gonna get myself a kit and check every hotel room bedspread. Because I just know there's loose semen about. I saw 20-20. I'm in the know when it comes to semen stains.

But read on:

Test a Woman

After sexual intercourse, all women experience "Flowback." This "Flowback" causes a woman to have dried and or invisible traces of semen in her undergarments long after every sexual encounter.

Is that a semen stain in her underwear? Find out in 5 minutes or less with Check Mate!

Typically, a woman will continue to secrete small amounts of semen for up to 72 hours after intercourse. Even after showering! If you think she is "cheating," this is the easiest and fastest way to find out, what's really going on in your relationship.

Even though most users will be interested in testing articles they suspect have only recently been soiled, traces of dried semen will remain present for long periods of time. As long as the article to be tested has not been washed, invisible traces of dried semen can easily be detected for up to 2 years or even longer.

You can be certain if any traces of semen are present on the area you decide to test, even in the smallest trace amounts, the patent pending Check Mate Infidelity Test Kit is guaranteed to detect it.

Test A Man

A man continues to secrete small amounts of semen for up to 2 hours or more after each sexual encounter.

Long after he has sex, a man will have dried/invisible traces of semen in his underwear.

Even if a man uses a condom during sexual intercourse or even if he only engages in oral sex, there will still be traces of semen in his underwear.

Check Mate is specially formulated to detect a certain enzyme found in a man's semen. As long as the article to be tested has not been washed, traces of dried semen will remain present for very long periods of time. Up to two years or longer. Some studies have shown traces of semen remaining on unwashed material for almost 40 years!

On Sunday morning he left the house and told you he was going to play golf. Then, when he came home and took a shower, you grabbed his underwear and did the test. If you detected semen, what is he going to say? "I was masturbating on the golf course."

If this isn't enough to convince you that society has gone to hell in a handbasket, well I just don't know about you. But for only $49.95 you can order a kit and test your loved ones. Why trust when you can test?

While you're on the Brickhouse website, look at some of the other "security" products they sell. This is apparently a paranoid's dream store. So much to buy. So little trust.

I'll be upstairs taking a long hot shower. Or two. Seriously Ewwwwwww!

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3 Comments:

Blogger Rhea said...

That is simply nuts.

18/6/07 9:04 AM  
Blogger craziequeen said...

I'm with you......

seriously....ewwwwwwwww!!

cq

19/6/07 1:56 PM  
Blogger Sparkliesunshine said...

This is so creepy.

20/6/07 2:41 PM  

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