Name: margalit
Location: Massachusetts, United States Professional writer, educational advocate, opinionated ultra liberal mother of 18 year old twins, living life in the slow lane due to hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, congestive heart failure, and diabetes.

email: margalitc at yahoo dot com

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Saturday, June 30, 2007

We've got a big dose of fear

I know this whole BF thing is probably boring half of you to death, but this is the only way I can work out what's going on, because I really can't talk to anyone in town about it without them knowing to whom I'm referring. Which kind of sucks. So I have to do it here, where it can be anonymous and yet still compelling.

Today's installation in the drama was anticlimactic. My kid, when told about just what the next step was, froze and was too afraid to move forward. Which isn't particularly strange considering all we've learned in the past couple of days. This is extremely scary stuff. Even I'm fearful that the crazy could descend upon our own house.

OK, so this is what we found out yesterday. BF's dad evidently is running very scared, and so he sent some 'affiliates' of his (we assume) to Love Interest's camp two states away. At first, when we heard the story, we thought that the authorities had gone to the camp to interview LI, because that's what he told us. But upon further reflection, something wasn't right. I called DSS and the local police and asked them if they had crossed 2 state lines in order to interview LI, and search LI's cabin. No, they did not. They never cross state lines. They never search anything without a warrant. Un duh! I watch enough crime shows to know this.

So when we talked to LI again last night, we went over the story. It was a bunch of men in suits. Which set off flashing lights, because DSS doesn't hire men in suits, they hire young, mostly female social workers who don't ever wear suits. Black suits, especially. Nor do the police. Nor do they toss a cabin and leave it a mess. These guys didn't show any ID. They didn't interview him with the camp director. They didn't interview him with another adult. In other words, they entered the camp, staked him out, and then ambushed him. Scared the shite out of me, knowing that these guys just walked into a sleep away camp.

say is Dad's prerogative and not against the law), and the additional allegations of sexual abuse we haven't yet reported, we're a bit overwhelmed and frightened. My kid, because they talked to BF With this in mind, plus the fact that BF is being completely isolated (which both police and DSSsurreptitiously on the phone while BF was at camp, is fearful that BF will know we were the initial reporters (BTW, I'm a mandated reporter in this state, but because BF was not my student, I can't report it under the mandate, which sucks for various reasons) and that BF will be very angry and will never be my kid's friend again. That could be possible, I honestly don't know. But it isn't worth the anguish BF is enduring under this crackpot's despotic rule, is it?

What scares me the most is that Dad is able to get private cell phone numbers, able to find a kid at camp and intimidate them to the point that LI is petrified and just wants out and that he has no compunction about using illegal and intimidating actions. I can't take that kind of stress in my life. This alone is driving me bonkers. I don't need more.

But I've told my kid that we need to see it through to the end, and that means that we will report this other stuff. LI's parents are on holiday and don't know what is going on. I think they're going to be ballistic when the get back. My kid is scared that anything we do will make things worse. That is entirely possible. But this guy evidently has ways of getting what he wants and so far I've seen through all of them. I'm not about to let this go, but I think we have to take it one step at at time.

I do want to say Thank You to all of you who have supported me in comments and in email. I appreciate it more than you could ever know. This is, for me, moving into very difficult territory. As the abused kid, I'm re-experiencing things I thought I had long put behind me. I'm trying hard to balance my past with my kid's futures. They don't have the same background I do. They don't know abuse. They're mystified about this whole situation. It's very hard for me to balance keeping it all plain information and bringing in the dark stuff I know they don't understand.

Keep those cards and letters coming! I really feel bolstered by them.

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Blogger JaniceNW said...

I think you are being very brave and heroic. You did not walk away. You did not go into denial. For someone who has a background of being abused, it takes tremendous courage to take on a situation loke this.

You are a good, concerned person who practices what you believe in.

You are my hero of the month.

30/6/07 2:49 AM  
Blogger Flutterby said...

I looked in here hoping to see that this had all somehow magically become *ok*. That BF was in safe custody and asshole father was in jail. Obviously I am too much a Pollyanna today. You know that this poor kid is going through. And hard as it is for you, you cannot stop trying to help. You would never forgive yourself. This has been on my mind since I first read about it a few days ago. Just know that we are all thinking of you and I KNOW you can make this come out right.

30/6/07 3:12 PM  
Blogger Major Bedhead said...

Holy shit. If LI's parents find out what happened, will that spur them to action? Maybe if they are involved, too, it will make DSS and/or the police take more notice. That is unbelievable and very, very scary.

You are one gutsy woman, margalit. I'm sure this is extremely difficult and emotionally draining for you, but you are doing the right thing. You should be very proud of yourself.

30/6/07 11:37 PM  
Blogger barbie2be said...

geez, this guy is crazy. you have got to be careful.

2/7/07 11:46 AM  
Blogger theotherbear said...

You are doing the right thing. Hope that nutbag ends up locked up soon.

2/7/07 5:24 PM  

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