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Name: margalit
Location: Massachusetts, United States Professional writer, educational advocate, opinionated ultra liberal mother of 18 year old twins, living life in the slow lane due to hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, congestive heart failure, and diabetes.

email: margalitc at yahoo dot com

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Monday, July 23, 2007

Hibernation

Sometimes, the need to hibernate is so strong that I feel I'm being pulled into a closed room just for my own sanity. The overwhelming amount of sensory overload I am exposed to living with two teenagers simply makes my brain want to conk out from overstimulation. I don't think that I ever realize how damaging it is to my psyche to be around such noise all the time. The constant ringing of phones, the television set too loud to some Xbox game, the constant tapping of fingers on the computer keyboards. It is nerve wracking and once it starts eating away at me, I have to retreat into my bedroom for some serious downtime.

I read. That tends to take me away like a literal Calgon commercial. I snooze, I watch the leaves in the trees blow gently as the family of bunnies hip hop all over our front yard. They have discovered my neighbor's garden and get bolder every day hoping to gather some tasty morsels. She yells at them lovingly in Chinese and then laughs as they hop into the woods. I see all this from my bedroom window, safe and cocooned from the craziness directly below me.

At some point I venture out to make sure that everyone is still alive. My house looks like a tsunami raged through it. Waves of dishes, glasses, silverware settle on every surface. Boxes of cereal reside on the floor. Cushions from the furniture now sit in the middle of the floor, being used as footrests. I am afraid to enter the kitchen, but peek in to see that cookies were baked and eaten, but not cleaned up. Someone baked them on wax paper instead of parchment. I bet that was yummy.

The Boy had a friend over last night and he still is here at 6 pm tonight. I finally tell him to go home, just as his mother calls him to ask where the heck he is. My son, all lively and full of pep, collapses once his friend leaves. I remind him of work he must do, instead he heads up to take a nap. He will do nothing willingly, my son. He argues over every word out of my mouth. He exhausts me with his anger and his hostility. Then he asks for a hug and I want to shove him across the room. I tell him that his actions lately don't make me all that huggy towards him, and he is hurt and angry that I don't just forget his laziness and manipulative passive aggressive behavior.

Meanwhile, the Girl stays away because she wants to have a peaceful fun time, and being around the Boy is far from peaceful and fun these days.

I think about moving permanently into my bedroom. Getting a mini-fridge and a kitchenette and never coming out again. As long as there are books, and a working television, I'm going to be happy. I'm tired of people. They suck me dry. I hate everyone today. I am Marlena Dietrich. I vant to be alone.

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1 Comments:

Anonymous Rhea said...

I don't know how you do it. The two teenager thing, wow. I can't even have a radio playing. I need quiet time.

25/7/07 9:05 AM  

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