Voices out of nowhere
To compound the fun, this has been the culmination of a really difficult couple of weeks for the Boy. Something is going on in that kid, and I don't know what it is, but it's not good. Very very not good. I'm so worried about him that I can barely think about anything else. He's been terrible at home; oppositional, defiant, argumentative, nasty, and filled with anger. He's been very difficult to be around and he's obviously miserable. He's been taking out all his anger on me and his sister, and I'm not very open to the types of abuse he's been heaping on us. Yes, much of it is teenage angst, but he's so far beyond that now that it is apparent something is really not right. These are just some of his latest behaviors:
Talking to himself (and not just muttering, whole long dialogs)
Screaming if addressed
Obscenities of all kinds
Baiting the Girl
Kicking, poking, hitting, getting into personal space
Arguing over everything
Refusing to do anything, even chores
Writing on walls with Girl's eyeliner
Not taking medication properly
Failing summer school class
It's been such a FUN time!
The other day I sat him down in a chair next to me, and I had a whispered conversation with him about his behavior. I acknowledged that he was angry and asked why. He could not tell me, but he agreed that he was angry. I told him clearly that this behavior had a direct influence on my physical health, and that it if continued, my health would deteriorate (which it has) rapidly. I told him clearly that if I were to die due to his behavior that he would carry it around for the rest of his life, and that nobody would take him, he would end up in state custody (all true) at a residential placement. His future would be ruined, his sister's future would be ruined, and he would carry around a lifetime supply of guilt. I told him that if his behavior didn't change immediately, that I was going to seek alternate living arrangements for him because I can't take the stress. This was all said in a whisper so he had to listen carefully to hear what I said.
After I was done, he went upstairs and came down like a different kid. For a full 24 hours he was nicer.
Now he's back to Mr Horrible.
Today he had friends over while I was not home. NOT ALLOWED. When I confronted him, not only did he not apologize, but he started to argue. Unacceptable. His friends were getting so annoyed with him that I overheard them several times telling him to shut up, to stop being a jerk, to behave. He is THAT annoying that other teenagers are annoyed by him. And then... I just don't even know how to process what he did next.
He left them in the middle of a sentence in our kitchen, and went to take a nap. They were talking and he said "goodbye" and went to lay down and go to sleep. My mouth was hanging open. They were like "what the F?" and then they got their stuff together and left. That was 3 hours ago and he's still sleeping on the floor of the living room.
If he alienates his friends, and he barely has me for a backup because he's been so horrible, just who is he going to count on to listen to him when he crashes? His therapist is getting married and will be gone for 3 weeks. She's going to be of no help. I'm so tightly wound because of how he's been treating me I just can't feel all warm and fuzzy towards him right now. I'm angry. I'm tired. I've had it.
He has a Pdoc appointment on Tuesday and I'm going to seek hospitalization. Something is so not right and I don't know what to do or where to turn anymore. This is too hard, and it has such a bad effect on my own health. I can't keep doing it. He needs more help that I can offer him. I don't understand what is going on, I don't know why he's so angry, but I do know that it's too much for me to bear. Being bipolar is a life sentence from hell. I so feel for him, but I don't know how to make it better, or even livable. I feel like a failure. Stumble It! JBlog Me