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Name: margalit
Location: Massachusetts, United States Professional writer, educational advocate, opinionated ultra liberal mother of 18 year old twins, living life in the slow lane due to hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, congestive heart failure, and diabetes.

email: margalitc at yahoo dot com

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Tuesday, September 18, 2007

UpsideDown and InsideOut

I've been totally discombobulated (is that actually a word?) for a couple of weeks now, and I'm beside myself trying to find my way out of the hole I've dug. Of course, the first thing that happens to me when I get out of sorts is to stay up all night and sleep all day. I try not to do it, but it happens every freaking time I get depressed. Either I need to keep Australian time, or I need to figure out a way to get past this latest bout of insomnia gone bad.

The first step in recognizing I'm in trouble is always the PBS obsession. I love PBS specials. I love their shows. I get addicted really easily to almost anything on PBS. Mystery, Nova, Antique Roadshow, History Detective.... I love them all. Unfortunately, they're on late at night, and I'll sit in front of the TV totally entranced by these damn shows. Recently I've watched some doosies. Did you all see the one on the Giant Pumpkin growers? Oy, I love it. I'm totally whacked, I swear it.

Then, as I stay up later and later, it gets really bad. After PBS starts showing repeats of repeats, I turn on the all night news on ABC. Which turns into the local news at 5, and then Good Morning America (I think that is what it's called) at 7. When the kids leave for school at around 7:30, I try to fall asleep and can usually sleep through GMA, Ellen, Martha, the View, the local news, and Millionaire. I tend to walk up right before All My Children, and I doze though that, falling back to sleep as it's over. What finally wakes me up is Judge Judy. I just can't stand that voice.

If I leave the TV off, I won't sleep at all. For some weird reason, when I get in this rut, I need the TV on. The sound keeps me asleep and keeps the outside noise from waking me up. If I turn it off, I'll read book after book after book, but I won't sleep. And then I get really crazy because I'm so tired and grouchy and angry at myself.

So, what to do? I've got to stay up for about 3 days straight to get tired enough to keep me asleep at a normal time. Then I'll get back into my normal pattern and won't drift off course for months.

In the meantime, I'm starting to get interested in the new offerings on TV. I saw an interview with 3 local kids that are on the first season of Kid Nation (yes, they are already casting for the next season, and the Boy thought he might want to do it, over my dead body). At first I was somewhat appalled by the whole notion of this show, but the kids started talking about the security (surrounded by electrified fencing and security guards) and the adult supervision (plenty, albeit off camera) and listening to the kids talk about how much the grew up and changed, and I guess I thought it might be interesting to watch afterall.

I'm also strangely looking forward to Survivor China. I haven't watched Survivor in years, since Rob and Ambuh, but this one looks appealing to me.

I'm disappointed that Amazing Race won't be on until January, ditto for LOST and 24, so all my favorite shows won't be on for months. That allows me to take some chances on some of the new offerings I wouldn't even consider, I guess.

Also, I'm starting a big project that should be a lot of fun and hopefully I'll learn a lot about some new software at the same time.

The new car should be arriving soon. I can't wait. I honestly cannot wait. Imagine me zipping around in a little red car after 14 years in a minivan. It is going to be so weird! I have no clue of what do DO with the minivan. I think I should keep it for the kids but they both think it would be social suicide to drive an ancient minivan. Spoiled brats!

Many doctor appointments and school appointments coming up this week and next. I have actually gained back 3 lbs and am not looking forward to the doctor's scale. I need to get back on track but because I'm eating one real meal a day, my body is in constant starvation mode. Once I get back to normal hours, I should start peeling off the weight again. The constant struggle to keep going down gets to me sometimes. I'm not dieting, I'm eating good food. I know what I need to do. I know how to do it. But when you get out of bed in the late afternoon and eat dinner for breakfast, it's kind of hard to get yourself into the right eating patterns. I need to work harder at it. Insomnia affects me in so many negative ways, and keeping the weight on instead of losing it is part of the reason I get so down when I don't sleep normal hours. It isn't an excuse. I know what the problem is and I know how I need to fix it. I just hate the constant fight against my body wanting to stay up all night.

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