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Name: margalit
Location: Massachusetts, United States Professional writer, educational advocate, opinionated ultra liberal mother of 18 year old twins, living life in the slow lane due to hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, congestive heart failure, and diabetes.

email: margalitc at yahoo dot com

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Thursday, December 06, 2007

Who knew?

As a neat and tidy computer user, I empty my bulk mail every night, sight unseen. I can't even remember the last time I went into the bulk mail folder looking around, but today I was expecting some email and it didn't arrive and in desperation, I checked my bulk mail folder. I get about 400-500 bulk mails/day. In looking for that particular email I had to go screen by screen through all the mail. And you know what? I had no idea that so many people were my Secret Crushes and Secret Lovers sending me mail. I was just non-plussed by all the romantic attention. So many men were advising me about enlarging that penis I don't have, but I didn't get one helpful email telling me how to make my vagina shrink back to pre-twins size. How sexist is that?

I got lots and lots of emails advising me on my financial situation. Scholarships are everywhere? Why are people complaining about paying for college these days? All they have to do is read their bulk mail and start clicking. Ditto for buying a car. No matter what your credit and your income, you can buy a brand new car! It's utterly amazing just how many nice kind souls are ready to reach out to help the financially depressed. I just didn't know!

Plus, jobs jobs jobs. From home! You can get a myriad of jobs you're totally unqualified for just by checking your bulk mail. You never have to leave home again to be an executive of a large and prosperous company. If you need to be educated before you apply for such a prestigious job, no problem! Not only are there scholarships waiting for you, there are plenty of colleges that really want your business. They have placements for you right away. You can study whatever you want, and again, all in the privacy of your own home. Who knew life for agoraphobics could be so rich and fulfilling?

There's a whole new world out there just waiting for me. So many women want to show me their pics. So many people want to help me find the love of my life. So many dating services are out there hoping I'll sign up with them so they can match me up with Ms. Right, who might be from a foreign country and speak no English, but no matter! She's bee-you-tee-ful and submissive. She won't nag, she won't make demands, she's going to be the perfect wife for me.

Goodness me, I have so many things to explore now. Many different choices to make. And all courtesy of my bulk folder. I'm a lucky duck!

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2 Comments:

Blogger Daisy said...

...and you can't blame this "bulk" on those lovely potato pancakes, either. :)

6/12/07 9:31 PM  
Blogger Rhiannon said...

Sometimes, when I'm feeling super down, I open my bulk mail and am instantly boosted by the amount of secret crushes I have.

But, the newest - at work, we get email in Russian ( I believe) and I can only imagine that my popularity has spread overseas and these are just my suitors trying to reach me at work :)

7/12/07 10:57 PM  

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