Name: margalit
Location: Massachusetts, United States Professional writer, educational advocate, opinionated ultra liberal mother of 18 year old twins, living life in the slow lane due to hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, congestive heart failure, and diabetes.

email: margalitc at yahoo dot com

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Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Entertaining the bored, sick teenager

Background: Both kids were home sick today. Lordy me, I don't know how I do it. The Boy slept all morning, leaving the Girl alone with me, which is exactly the way she likes it. 100% attention all the time. That's good living! We watched Ellen and Martha and the View, and then the Boy woke up and started being, well, all Boyish, and the bickering commenced.

Stupid things I do: So I'm going to take a shower right after the cleaning lady leaves this morning, and there's a creepy cruddy mess right by the drain. I do not get why, because I've cleaned out that drain about 6 million times, including 3, count 'em, three bottles of liquid plumber in the past week. But the water just will not go down. I ask the Boy to bring me up a big bbq skewer so I can poke my way down and see if there's something blocking the drain.

Guess what? The drain closing thing is broken and the drain was closed. NO WONDER WHY! Man, I'm a moron some days.

Visiting the Doctor: I had two doctor's appointments today, and the Boy needed bloodwork done from his appointment, so we headed off to the medical building. Fun! When we arrived, the driver said, "Have a good day Ladies." This entertained me no end the rest of the day. I started calling the Boy "Laydee" with that horrid Jerry Lewis accent. And this was after his haircut, poor kid.

He decided to get me back. I had my camera in my bag, so he decided to video my entire doctor's visit, from the waiting room to the part where he got kicked out when I was getting my pap smear. I didn't feel he needed to see that!

The video is 20 minutes of me chatting with my doctor, who might, just might be 25 years old. I could easily be his mother. Much of the video focuses on my feet, which dangle from the exam table. The Boy found that hilarious. While we were waiting for the doctor I pulled open a drawer next to me, and there was a plastic speculum. I showed it to the Boy, opening up the duck's bill. The look on his face? Priceless.

Who is this person? Once we finished up at the doctors, we went downstairs to the lab. I got my blood test done first, and then they were going to do the Boy. But he didn't have an infamous 'blue card' so they looked him up in the computer, and yes he was there, as Baby MyLastName. Evidentally the last time he was in the hospital was when he was born. There were two phlebotomists, one who is Russian and very bossy, and the other one who is neither. The Russian one kept insisting that the Boy's name was Baby MyLastName. At one point he said, "I think I know what my name is." They had us go and reregister, and everything was straightened out.

New name: Baby Laydee. The Boy got a new name today, and I shall be using it liberally. Because when he was shooting me on the exam table and they had me lay down to examine my heart, he made a joke about being in Wide Screen. Heh. So not funny. Ok, it was a little funny.

This video will NEVER ever be online. Ever. Sorry!

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Blogger Daisy said...

How funny! In a motherly sort of way, of course. Baby Lastname: precious. Truly precious. That was your revenge for his widescreen comment. Or was the Wide Screen his revenge for...never mind.

6/2/08 8:32 PM  
Blogger JaniceNW said...

Too funny. It was better than him being a dippy PIA! I can totally hear you with the Jerry Lewis voice!

7/2/08 12:08 PM  

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