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Name: margalit
Location: Massachusetts, United States Professional writer, educational advocate, opinionated ultra liberal mother of 18 year old twins, living life in the slow lane due to hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, congestive heart failure, and diabetes.

email: margalitc at yahoo dot com

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Friday, February 15, 2008

Hey Mr Postman

Our poor mailman has been extra burdened in the past week with lots of mail for our little family. Unlike most weeks, the mail has not been all bills and weird supermarket circulars, but has been a combination of the sublime and the questionable. The sublime is for me, the questionable is for the Boy and consists of a bunch of college brochures from schools I can barely pronounce. Today I told him to toss one of the brochures because there was no way I was sending my kid to a college I had no clue as to how to pronounce. It was that strange.

My mail, which is just perfect for me right now, consists of gardening catalogs. Oh my, the baby Jeebus must be on my side right now, for the catalogs are more enticing than ever. There are so many things I want to plant. I have enough land, but I do not have enough little workers to make over my garden into a Martha Stewart wonder. I wish I did, but my children are lazy and have no interest in ever picking up a shovel or hoe. Like their cat, they are worthless in the outdoors. They do not like gardening, they do not like flowers, they do not want to help, they do not care that gardening gives me so much pleasure. They are mean, selfish children who will not help me. Boo hoo.

So I tried a bit of reverse psychology. Because that's always worked so well in the past...not. The Boy and I were sitting in the living room reading our respective shiny mail, and I looked up and asked him which of his friends was the hardest worker. He named the kid I knew he was going to name, and I said, "Hmmmm, I think I'm gonna hire him to overturn the garden and help me plant it." And then I looked back down at my gorgeous catalog, circling everything in the damn thing because I think I'm a farmer at heart.

The Boy started to protest with the "Why don't you hire ME?" whine, and I smugly reminded him that I did last year and he never finished digging up the garden so the crazy gardener mowed over most of it.

"Oh yeah."
"And besides, you're too lazy to do a good job, so you're not worth the investment."

I could see the wheels moving in that sodden little brain. He asks me how much I'd pay his friend, and I named a figure that was completely off the cuff and no where NEAR what I'd actually pay, and he was all thinking quietly.

"Would you pay me too if I helped?"
"I don't know. How lazy are you going to be?"
"I'd work for money."
"But I paid you last summer and you did a totally crappy job and got my garden ruined in the process."
"If you paid me x dollars, I'd do a good job."
"Well, let me think about it."

Heh. Man, sometimes reverse psychology is just too damn easy!

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1 Comments:

Blogger Daisy said...

Hmmm...it's the follow through, the implementation, that makes it happen. I hope he decides it's worth it! Who knows, he may discover that he actually likes gardening. (Yes, I know, but we moms can dream, too.)

15/2/08 10:50 PM  

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