Name: margalit
Location: Massachusetts, United States Professional writer, educational advocate, opinionated ultra liberal mother of 18 year old twins, living life in the slow lane due to hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, congestive heart failure, and diabetes.

email: margalitc at yahoo dot com

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Monday, March 10, 2008

107 Frigging Calories?

This morning I went to my heart rehab program. Upon arrival, you weigh yourself (down another pound this week), do your blood pressure and pulse, and then get on the exercise machines. I use the elliptical machine the most because it's mindless and I get a decent workout. I'm definately increasing my exercise tolerance, which shows both in the level of the program I now use on the machine, and the time I'm able to maintain a good heart rate. I can go 30 minutes stepping about 105 steps per minute. That's a decent rate. I watch the machine count my steps, and I'm up to well over 2800 steps in a half hour.

So why is that only the equivalent of 107 damn calories?

Does that seem right? I'm stepping my little butt off, and I end up burning off the equivalent of one bite of a candy bar? How unfair is that?

I like going to the class. I'm feeling much more positive about my health, my stress level, my diet, and my ability to exercise than I have in years. I like the yoga piece, and I'm even OK with the meditation part, although I'm not very fond of the new age music they play in the background. It makes me edgy. I know!

However, there is a woman in our class that is so strange. First of all, she smells funny. Not icky smelly. Like your 3rd grade teacher funny. It's a combination of Jean Nate and cheap makeup. She wears makeup like my grandma did when she was going out someplace fancy. Heavy foundation and a layer of spackle-like powder with two big red circles of rouge on her cheeks. Not blush, rouge. It's almost like she's got a layer of stucco on her face.

And then there are the teeth. She has full dentures. I don't think I've ever even met anyone with full dentures before. You can see them at the top when she laughs. It's SOO creepy. Plus you can see gaps. It totally squicks me out.

Her clothes look like they're from the Talbot's catalog circa 1958. Flowered pastel pants and matching twin set polyester sweaters in a wonderful mint green. I just cannot begin to tell you how strange the combination of all this is together.

And yet I haven't mentioned the hair. Go ahead and guess. Come on, you can do it!

Well, it's dyed a very bright red, totally sprayed into a helmet, and with a french twist in the back. That french twist that you know is done every Saturday afternoon at the beauty parlor by some hairdresser (not a stylist) who haven't suggested a style change in 20 years.

I find this woman very entertaining as long as I don't have to sit next to her. The smell of her makeup and whatever is way too much for my delicate allergies to handle. She's nice as can be, but man, does she not have anyone to tell her that 1962 has come and gone? I don't get it, myself. I'm certainly not going to win any beauty contests but I'm aware that french twists went out of style 40 years ago.

The rest of the people range from delightful to a bit over the hill. We got a new person today who is younger than I am, and has a very sour personality. She complained almost immediately about what bad shape the rest of us are in, and how she doesn't belong. Harumph! She's there for stress reasons, just like everyone else. Stress comes in all shapes and sizes, you know.

My favorite folks are an elderly couple. They're very Italian. She's kinda ditzy but very friendly and chatty. He's hilarious. I mean it, it's like having Don Rickles in your class. He has a joke for everything, and he uses props, too. She looks at him like she's mortified and he keeps the rest of us in stitches. They're taking the autotrain to Florida tomorrow and will be gone for 6 weeks. We'll miss them.

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Blogger JaniceNW said...

Margalit~who can I screw
if you have Hugh?

I can run faster than you
and so can Hugh!

Wave bye bye.

Thanks for the giggle.

10/3/08 9:16 PM  
OpenID harborlass said...

Increasing your exercise tolerance must feel good, like you are getting stronger.

Your description of the people in the class is hilarious. Jean Nate, bwahahaha!


11/3/08 10:10 AM  

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