Name: margalit
Location: Massachusetts, United States Professional writer, educational advocate, opinionated ultra liberal mother of 18 year old twins, living life in the slow lane due to hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, congestive heart failure, and diabetes.

email: margalitc at yahoo dot com

View My Complete Profile

My Amazon.com Wish List

Rate this Blog at Blogged

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket



Alltop, confirmation that we kick ass

Powered by FeedBlitz

Subscribe with Bloglines

Blog Search: The Source for Blogs

Add to Technorati Favorites


Powered by Blogger

Monday, March 03, 2008

Stress Management vs. Teen Grounding

Today in my Heart Rehab class, the third hour was devoted to discussing stress management. Now, nobody needs a course on managing stress more than I do. Up until now, my coping skills include hiding in the bathroom, screaming at certain people to shut up, and taking pretty little anxiety pills. I would not say that any of this is working well for me.

First we talked about our triggers. Well, THAT was easy. The Boy, the Girl, and incompetence are my biggest triggers. I have high expectations, you see. I expect that the kids will do what they are asked to do and I believe strongly that people hired to do a job SHOULD do that job, and not their personal interpretation of the job.

Well, blow me down, the class instructor said that we should turn our triggers into positives. She gave a great example. You've got a doctor's appointment at 11. First, what time to you arrive for the appointment: 10:30, 10:45, 11:00, 11:15? I'm most likely in the 10:45 category because I hate being late. I like to give myself a few minutes to settle in.

11:00 comes and goes. It's now 11:30 and no sign of the doctor. The receptionist has been on the phone the entire time talking about the date she had last night. Finally, at 11:45 the nurse brings you back and takes your blood pressure and it's terribly high.

So, you have the trigger of worrying about being late, the trigger of the doctor being late, and then the trigger of high blood pressure. How do you deal with this stress?

For me, I tend to get really annoyed after the first half hour. I like reading the trashy magazines in the doctor's office. I actually am more annoyed if there aren't any good magazines than about the wait. But once a half hour passes, I feel that someone from the office should let you know just how late the doctor is running. Not that they ever do. In this scenario the receptionist was more into her review of last night's dinner than doing her job. That drives me batty. Honestly, this would piss me off more than anything else about the scenario. I usually confront the receptionist, standing there at her desk until she gets off the phone and then saying something like 'Sorry I had to interrupt your personal phone call BUT can you tell me how much longer the wait is?"

Being assertive works well for me. I tend to get my needs met and it makes me feel better.

When the doctor comes in and questions the high blood pressure, what would you say? For me, I'd tell the doctor that the wait plus the receptionist stressed me out and I'd ask him to take my blood pressure again.

Those are evidently successful coping mechanisms for that scenario.

So I ask the key question of the morning: "If you have teenagers that cause you stress, and you really don't have a way to shut them up, what do you do?" Ahem.

Interesting, she didn't have any quick and simple answers. So I open it up to you. What coping mechanisms work for you when your kids are bickering, yelling at you, and refusing to follow your instructions? Remember, alcohol and drugs are not healthy coping skills in this scenario!

Labels: , , , ,

Digg! Stumble It! JBlog Me add to kirtsy


Blogger Daisy said...

Well, I turn off my hearing aids, but that won't work for you. :)

3/3/08 8:36 PM  
Blogger daysgoby said...

I tend to morph into Screaming Mommy, which doesn't help much because they tune me out, and then I take them outside to blow off steam. Once I tire them out, things are better.

(I have littlies, though.)

3/3/08 10:02 PM  
Blogger JaniceNW said...

I *blink* my eyes and trnasport them to Mars.

3/3/08 10:10 PM  
OpenID becky68 said...

I let a lot slide. I've been picking my battles for about 3 of my 18 year-olds teen years & it's worked pretty well. She's obnoxious, pushy & rude sometimes but if it doesn't affect me specifically I leave it alone. I've locked the computer, the tv & set her phone so she can only call me & 911 before, when she did things which displeased me,& she has done plenty over the years- she did figure out about a year ago that I will do these things if I say I will- she's stopped pushing me quite so hard since then.
I just try not to sweat the little stuff.
Most of it really is little stuff. I realize you've got different situations than I do. We live rurally, she can't walk anywhere & she has no car, nor can I afford to give her one, or the gas to tote her where she wants to go every time. (it helps also that I work until 11 pm 4 nights a week & so she's stuck home babysitting her younger siblings when I'm at work) On my days off I just let her go. I have had Friday & Saturday off for a little over a year so it works out well.
Of course, I have read on your blog before where you have mentioned having trouble getting the kids out of bed for School due to them staying up too late, Miss 18 has been pretty good about that.
I was homeschooled & don't put quite as high a priority on school as many people, which has turned my oldest into a maniac about attendance, it took only 2 times of her over sleeping & then trying to get me up (I was on a shift at work which brought me home around 2 am back then) to take her to school- when I felt she should just take the day off- for her to never over sleep or hit snooze one too many times again.
That said, I still can't wait until May when she graduates H.S. & June or July when she & her Boyfriend are moving in together - & she'll be out of my house!

4/3/08 10:43 PM  
Blogger Flutterby said...

Definitely pick your battles. If no blood is being shed... walk away. If it's more important than that, split them up, send them to separate rooms. Refusing to follow requests? We get back into the grounding thing there. That is just not acceptable around here. They have to KNOW YOU MEAN IT. NEVER EVER fail to follow through with a punishment threat, not even once. I have seen that you've commented on the fact that they have done things like use your debit card?? I can see why it would be convenient to have them run errands from time to time but the way to deal with that problem is not let them have access to your card! Change the pin and just do not let them have it. That would take care of that bit of stress as far as them using money you didn't need for them to wipe out!

5/3/08 1:17 PM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home

Copyright, 2003-2011 by Animzmirot Design Group. All rights reserved. No part of this blog may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval without written permission from Margalit, the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages in a review. In other words, stealing is bad, and if you take what doesn't belong to you, it's YOUR karma.