Name: margalit
Location: Massachusetts, United States Professional writer, educational advocate, opinionated ultra liberal mother of 18 year old twins, living life in the slow lane due to hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, congestive heart failure, and diabetes.

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Friday, March 28, 2008

When good teens have feet that reek

I can remember a long time ago reading about how teenagers tend to have feet that are, shall we say, odoriferous? Smelly. Stinky. Disgusting. I thought about it and wondered just how bad it could possibly be. Surely those moms were exaggerating. Nothing could be that bad. I mean, a bit of foot odor. We've all had those days when our feet stank a bit, right? What were these moms complaining about? How bad could it be?

Bad. Really really bad. So bad you think you might drop over dead from the stench. So bad that when they enter a room, you turn a sort of green and scream, "Your feet stink." So bad that your house starts to smell like a high school locker room all the time. Oh man, it is BAD.

I tried all the usual remedies. Foot powders, odor eaters, cotton socks changed hourly, shoes rotated daily so that the offending pair is always out on the porch for 24 hours airing out.

You know what? Nothing works. Absolutely nothing. It's hormonal and to be honest, you can't control it, and you have to learn to live with it. At least when there isn't a big giant bottle of Febreze extra strength around.

Of course in our house I resisted the Febreze because it's filled with chemicals and stinky on it's own. But how wrong I was. Chemicals are good. Chemicals mask the stink of dead animals. Which is what my kid's feet smell like.

At first it was only one bottle. But like an alcoholic, I found myself buying more and more. One for the living room. One for the boy's bedroom. One for the girl's bedroom. One just in case. It was never enough. We always needed one more bottle. Soon there were bottles all over the house. I keep one right behind my desk so that if an offending foot walks by I can do a quick trigger attack. I'm no fool. The more I spray, the less my house smells like a raccoon died under the porch.

Then someone mentioned washing our whites, which means socks in their case, with both bleach and Oxiclean. That didn't work very well, but I got this idea in my head about trying Nature's Miracle in the washer. It does remove the residual stench so that the socks start out at neutral instead of slightly rancid. But the thing is, after a hour or two, it's back to tres stinky, so what's the point?

I want to know when this will stop. It's vile. Absolutely vile. My next step is to start powerwashing their feet. Or amputation. Whichever is easier.

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Blogger daysgoby said...

I don't know, but now I'm trembling in fear of (the agony of de feet. GROAN. Sorry! I am powerless to resist the pun!) what lies ahead of me...is it both girls and boys?

28/3/08 5:37 PM  
Blogger Kelliqua said...

Deodorant! Yes the underarm kind. My boys do it and when poor Bratface started up with the foul last year we gave her the trick. The only difference between boys' and girls' foot funk is that girls CARE.

28/3/08 8:37 PM  
Blogger Daisy said...

The socks can help -- a little. Good luck! A clothespin on the nose might be your last defense. Makes you almost miss diapers, doesn't it? :)

29/3/08 8:07 AM  
Blogger madamspud169 said...

The ONLY thing that works if foot washing, multiple sock changes and if weather permits breathable shoes like sandals or going barefoot.
My 4 yr olds feet should be classed as a toxic weapon, they could kill at a 100 paces easily.
My husbands are worse, I've actually vomited through the smell wafting from his socks.

I make them both wash their feet the minute they get in and then go barefoot preferably or wear a new pair of socks. This isn't an ideal solution because washing stink of feet is apparantly really energetic and none of mine want to but once I stuffed hubby's pillow slip with his unwashed socks it only took 2 days for him to come around to my way of thinking lol

29/3/08 8:33 AM  
Blogger margalit said...

Madamespud, you are my new hero. Socks in the pillowcase. BRILLIANT.

29/3/08 3:36 PM  
Blogger karamac said...

I read on another blog a way to de-stink the shoes. You might give it a try in a room that Worthless Pet can't get into. You'll see why. :)


31/3/08 8:40 AM  

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