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Name: margalit
Location: Massachusetts, United States Professional writer, educational advocate, opinionated ultra liberal mother of 18 year old twins, living life in the slow lane due to hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, congestive heart failure, and diabetes.

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Saturday, April 12, 2008

Ya got season tickets? Pay attention!

Dear Guy in Turquoise Jacket Behind Home Plate,

You have the best seats in the house. You're just to the left of home plate, first row. You were there all last year, and here you are again this year. You're a lucky guy. I don't even want to venture a guess as to what those tickets must have cost you. You look like a perfectly nice guy, one with a rather alarming similarity to Edward Herriman pre-Gilmore Girls. You're always well groomed, wear Brooks Brother's type clothing, and your hair is a lovely sterling gray.

So tell me, why don't you pay attention to the game? You're so distracting. You're always looking away, never watching the action on the field. When something exciting happens, you don't react because you're not following the game. No smiles from you. Not even a little tiny glimpse of pleasure. You just sit there looking bored and uncomfortable.

You must like the Red Sox. Nobody in their right mind would sit in those seats game after game unless they were big fans. But you? You don't look much like a big fan. You look more like you're constipated and worried about the stock market.

Turquoise Jacket Guy, you need to loosen up. You need to have fun. You sit in that seat next to some adorable kids (and aren't those kids the luckiest kids in the world, with their front row seats right behind home plate) and you don't even look at them. How can you not catch their infectious excitement? Why don't you cheer on our team?

If you're not enjoying your season tickets, might I make a suggestion. Give them to me. I love the Sox, there's no way I can afford to see them, and I'm a really great fan. I love to yell and scream at the games. I love to cheer on the players. I love everything about the whole experience of being at the baseball game. I'll take your place and make you proud. I promise.

So, Turquoise Jacket Guy, let's make a deal. You come and hang out at my house with my kids and take a nap on the sofa while I go to the games and have a great time. It's a win-win situation!

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5 Comments:

Blogger bethany actually said...

I loved this! Wouldn't it be awesome if he actually did it? :-)

12/4/08 9:28 PM  
Blogger BSumner said...

http://cache.boston.com/bonzai-fba/Third_Party_Photo/2006/05/01/1146542313_7164.jpg

are you talking about Dennis Drinkwater?

He's the owner of Giant Glass.. season ticket holder forEVER.

12/4/08 11:11 PM  
Blogger Bobbie said...

At least he's not talking on a cell phone and waving?

13/4/08 7:56 AM  
Blogger margalit said...

Bsumner, I think he's the guy sitting about 5 seats to the right of Turquoise Jacket man. They look at LOT alike, but Dennis Drinkwater seems to enjoy the games. Although he does use his cell phone. But Turquoise Jacket guy is to the left (our right) of home plate and Dennis is directly behind it.

13/4/08 4:14 PM  
Blogger BSumner said...

dangit, now i'll have to look for (and obsess over) him tonight. LOL

14/4/08 5:09 PM  

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