Name: margalit
Location: Massachusetts, United States Professional writer, educational advocate, opinionated ultra liberal mother of 18 year old twins, living life in the slow lane due to hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, congestive heart failure, and diabetes.

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Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Attention Higher Power: Updated

We do not have tornado warnings in Boston. I repeat. Tornado warnings...no way Jose. We do not have funnel clouds. We do not want funnel clouds. We do not know what to do when we have tornado warnings. We are tornado ignorant. We like it that way.

We can deal with blizzards. We're familiar with hurricaines. We even have known an earthquake or two. But no, we do not know the tornado. And we are happy about it.

So when the TV shouts tornado warnings at us, what the heck to you expect us to do? Oh, we have basements. Do we go down there? Do we hide in the middle of the basement away from the windows? Do we go into a corner and weep? Do we hide under the stairs and hope for the best. Or snuggle down under the bulkhead? Are our basements even the right kind of basements for a tornado?

See, Higher Power, we do not know these things. We do not know what to bring with us when we hide in the bathtub like they did on Desperate Housewives. Do we pull mattresses over our heads? Is a bathroom with a large window safe? Are the windows supposed to be open wide? If a tornado hits, is it the wicked witch of the North we're afraid of? Will there be flying monkeys? I hate those flying monkeys. They are very scary and way too creepy for me. I won't watch them.

What is a funnel cloud doing here anyhow? Are you confused, higher power? Do you think we're in Kansas? We're in freaking Massachusetts. See, there is an ocean just a few miles east of here. Oceans don't happen in tornado alley. You need to find a nice flat plain to put down a tornado. We don't want them here.

We also do not want more flooding. We have had enough of that. The rain that keeps on coming and coming and coming so more? We're about done with that. So why, higher power, is the 11:30 pm forecast saying:

Storm Report
  • Heavy rainfall
  • Damaging wind potential is low
  • Hail possible
  • Severe Thunderstorm Watch in effect through 5am Thursday
    Flood Advisories issued throughout Mass.

    Who's idea of a joke is this, anyhow?

    Thursday at 1 pm. SO NOT FUNNY. Tornado in New Hampster? One spotted right down the road where we're supposed to be going to the movies? I am NOT laughing.

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    Blogger KLee said...

    I hear you. We recently had a tornado here that did quite a bit of damage. The weird thing about it is that we're also just meters from the ocean, and we don't typically have tornadoes, either.

    Just more proof that the world is going to hell in a handbasket.

    24/7/08 9:07 AM  
    Blogger LisaS said...

    you know, we were having the same sorts of feelings here in the midwest this spring ... except about snow and cold temperatures. maybe the Man upstairs thinks we've gotten a little cocky with all this technology stuff? ;)

    happy ICLW!

    24/7/08 11:16 AM  
    Blogger nh said...

    Hope that the weather has improved - it sounds a little odd to me... in the UK we tend to get no real weather which is why we obsess about it so much!


    24/7/08 11:47 AM  
    Blogger Kate said...

    Here from ICLW. I heard about that! How weird!

    24/7/08 12:28 PM  
    Blogger Jo said...

    I'm up in Maine hanging with my mom for a few days and we just got a tornado warning for 11 counties....
    Mom and I were laughing because the last time we had a tornado warning and we were home alone together in Chelmsford and she called dad and he didn't believe us...I was 5. We sure don't get them often.

    oh, and we are in a house up on stilts in the forest....where do we go?

    24/7/08 2:13 PM  
    Blogger BSumner said...

    This weather is insane! I don't have a basement. :::scared:::

    24/7/08 2:15 PM  
    Blogger alicia said...

    ahh scary!! i hope you are alright!!

    here from ICLW

    24/7/08 5:12 PM  
    Blogger Daisy said...

    A few tips: in case of tornado, stay indoors. Do not take shelter in a vehicle. Go to the basement, usually the innermost room or the southwest corner. If you don't have a basement, go into the bathroom. The plumbing structure makes it the strongest option.
    Then? Pray.

    24/7/08 9:35 PM  
    OpenID bendingbackwards said...

    How wierd is that! The weather this year has been really strange! Up in my area we had snow into May and we usually have snow until March.

    A visitor from ICLW.

    25/7/08 5:02 PM  

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