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Name: margalit
Location: Massachusetts, United States Professional writer, educational advocate, opinionated ultra liberal mother of 18 year old twins, living life in the slow lane due to hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, congestive heart failure, and diabetes.

email: margalitc at yahoo dot com

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Tuesday, July 08, 2008

For Shame

My children are so mean. They say I cheat at games. Well, I DO cheat at games, but do they have to tell people about it? I mean really. What mom doesn't cheat? Oh, you don't? Honestly? Oh. Well, I do. Because it is impossible to beat the Boy unless I cheat. He wins at everything. If it's a board game, he will win.

It isn't just luck. The kid studies games and their strategies and figures out the easiest and quickest way to win. For example, last night we played SceneIt. It's a fun game. But it isn't that fun with someone who has read all the fricking cards and who lives on IMBD. The kid even uses the IMDB forums. I mean, who does that? A movieaholic, that's who. So he has figured that if anyone gets the All Play spaces, he'll win hands down. Drives me freaking nuts.

So I cheat. I will roll the dice and say I got a MyPlay just so he can't chime in. Or I'll move ahead a few spaces so I can catch up to him. Or in Monopoly, I will play the banker so I can 'borrow' money (and maybe a property or two) while they're not looking. I know, bad bad mommy. But I'm a cheater from way back when. Because in my biofamily, if you didn't cheat, you never ever got ahead in a game.

My brother was an infamous cheater. To this day my kids will repeat his best cheating methodology ever, the famous Earthquake move. Being brought up in LA enabled my brother to perfect this method. When we were playing a board game and he wasn't winning, he would lift his knees up under the table and start shaking it until all the pieces went all akimbo, while he was exclaiming "Earthquake!"

You see, there was no choice but to learn how to cheat myself. It was a family tradition. It still is. The Boy is a sneaky cheater, but all the same he cheats. The Girl, not so much. She just doesn't care enough about games to cheat. She's really not a great fan of the board game, mostly because unless I help her, she loses bigtime. In SceneIt, for example, she is such a slow reader that it takes her almost the entire alloted time just to read the question, leaving little time for thinking of the answer.

So I help her out. Especially in Trivial Pursuit because honestly, she just does not know the answers unless I give her clues. Even with clues, it's often a lost cause. Board games are just not her forte. It's not how she thinks. She's not a puzzle person either, but she does like those Word Search puzzles. Not much ambiguity there.

The Boy and I? We like games. The more you have to think, the better we like them. I won't play Scrabble with him anymore because he has a photographic memory and read the Scrabble dictionary. So what's the point? There is no way I can ever win against someone that has memorized the Scrabble dictionary.

So yeah, I cheat. I'm not ashamed of it, either. Because if I didn't cheat, the Boy would win every freaking game and truthfully, he's already got a head swollen to grand proportions. I can't allow him to think he's the best game player in the world.

Even if he is. Dammit!

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1 Comments:

Blogger Daisy said...

Send this kid to Jeopardy! Look out, Ken Jennings!

8/7/08 4:22 PM  

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