Name: margalit
Location: Massachusetts, United States Professional writer, educational advocate, opinionated ultra liberal mother of 18 year old twins, living life in the slow lane due to hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, congestive heart failure, and diabetes.

email: margalitc at yahoo dot com

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Wednesday, July 09, 2008

A shadow of my former self

One of the strange things about weight loss when you're very overweight, as I once was, is that when you lose weight, a lot of weight, you don't see yourself as looking any different than you did when you were at your highest weight. I know I'm radically thinner than I was a couple of years ago. I'm down almost 75 lbs now, and that is just unbelievable to me. The last time I weighed this much (or little as the case may be) is so long ago I really can't even recall when. Probably in the 1970s or at least the early 80s. I really can't remember.

But I don't know what I look like now. I constantly have to ask the kids if I'm smaller than a really fat person I'll see in the store. I have visions of myself as being fatter than I ever have been. I don't think I've got body dysmorphic issues, I just honestly do not know what I look like. I don't spend a lot of time in front of the mirror naked or anything. I mean, who does?

My clothing, most of it new from this spring, is all too big again. The shorts I bought to go to Chicago are enormous on me. They literally fall down. When I pee, I can pull them down without unbuttoning or unzipping. It's actually quite convenient! But they are huge and I can't seem to buy the right size. I don't know what size I should buy. If I get my old size, they are enormous. So I went down one size and then a second size and they are still too big. But I could not possibly fit into a plain old XL. It just is wrong.

Same with my bras. I've actually finally given up on finding one to fit me. My old bras were a D or a DD cup, and they were very broad across the back. With my luck, my boobs are now more of a C cup, but the back size is still very large because I'm built like an olympic swimmer. One who hasn't been in a pool for 2 years because she does not have a bathing suit that fits, and can't find one that will in any store. I need a 2 piece. I have the body for a one piece with a big ole skirt.

I know I'm thinner. I was at my cardiologist today and she actually high-fived me when she saw my weight, and hugged me on the way out. I mean, it's radical that this very professional woman was so proud of me for doing it the right way, by controlling my food intake and (sob) taking up excercise. OK, I hate exercise. I really do. But I know it has to be done.

And in that vein, I'm going to tell you something. It's kinda a secret. So put your ear right up next to the computer, OK?

I joined the JCC.

They have a pool and a big exercise room and tennis courts and even a rock climbing wall. Two different agencies are paying for our membership (it is VERY costly) plus we got a scholarship. I know that I will use it, and I'm going to make sure my kids do too. We're going to make it a family thing and we're going to like it. My orders!

My next goal is to be down another 25 lbs by New Years. I might make it. I might not. But small goals are what's gotten me this far, so they must work for me.

In the meantime, could you pass me the fruit bowl?

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Blogger Misfit Hausfrau said...

I am so happy for you. My treadmill is coming in on Friday and I cannot wait. I realize it won't solve everything, but it's a start as I loathe exercise!

9/7/08 8:06 PM  
Blogger justmylife said...

I am really happy for you!!! That is amazing. I know you will get to your goal.

9/7/08 10:42 PM  
Blogger gem said...

I know that feeling. I lost about 85lbs 5 years ago and have kept all bar about 6lbs off since. I still get a kick out of being able to walk into any shop and buy clothes, not that I do, but that I can! enjoy every bit of it, you have earned it

10/7/08 11:11 AM  
Blogger Daisy said...

Wow! Great news! Enjoy your (Shhh!) membership.

10/7/08 1:09 PM  
Blogger Kristin said...

Wow...I am so impressed with your weight loss. Way to go.

PS...I found you through Mel's Extravaganza

1/8/08 8:37 AM  

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