Name: margalit
Location: Massachusetts, United States Professional writer, educational advocate, opinionated ultra liberal mother of 18 year old twins, living life in the slow lane due to hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, congestive heart failure, and diabetes.

email: margalitc at yahoo dot com

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Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Hoping the pity party is over

I've been feeling exceptionally sorry for myself the last few days. Some of it is obviously due to finances (what finances?), bills, and the threat of just not being able to care for my kids anymore. That's scared the crap out of me, and when I get scared, I get angry and I tend to lash out more than I should. For that I'm terribly sorry. I don't mean to hurt people's feelings. Heck, my feelings are hurting enough for all of us these days. I try and try to look at the bright side, but sometimes I just can't find a bright side. My sense of humor dies, and my ability to be calm and serene completely runs around the corner to hide. I know, you're going "Calm and SERENE?" Who the hell is she describing? But I spend a lot of my time pretty damn calm and happy. Just not lately.

My kids have been exceptionally busy and have left me alone too much, and that does tend to make me stew. Mostly because I don't have anyone else to get annoyed with, so that means I can just be annoyed at me, or at my situation. Because I tend to like me, the situation gets my annoyed focus. Hey, I'm human. I fall apart just like everyone else. I don't mean to, but I do it nevertheless.

I continue to be petrified about finances. It's really bad right now, worse than it has been ever. So of course I am beginning to get the first of the school demands. When your kid is a senior, you have the senior portraits to pay for, followed by the ridiculously overpriced yearbook, and then there are the college tours and short trips out of town to look at schools. SATs, ACTs, study classes, applications.... my God it is overwhelming and so freaking overpriced. Fortunately I've found ways to get the SAT and most college applications for free. But we still have to pay for all the other crap.

Clothing is equally frightening. I mentioned a while back that all the clothing I bought at the beginning of the summer are huge on me. This is good. And this is bad. I can use a belt for a while yet, but when your waist is 3" smaller than your pants, you need to eventually bite the bullet and buy some pants. This should suck, because I hate shopping and I hate spending money even more, but for some sick reason I'm actually looking forward to buying things that fit. I've grown exceptionally tired of having to roll the waistband on everything I own. Clothes that fit would be a new and novel treat for me.

Meanwhile, Pepper is growing by leaps and bounds and she's totally made herself at home here. She's the most delightful kitten ever. I have had some pretty annoying kittens in my day, but this one. OMG, she charms everyone that meets her. It's so cute to see huge teenage boys cuddle and tickle her and fall under her spell. She's that adorable. Is this not a LOL cat waiting for a caption?

She's also a world class snugglebug. She lays down next to me and we have the best naps. I'm madly in love. We all are. Even Ringo. Sort of.

Awwwww. So cute. Back off. She's MINE.

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Blogger bethany actually said...

Awwww, that is a truly cute kitten!

5/8/08 11:12 PM  
Blogger Storm said...

awwww she really is the most stinking adorable kitten I have seen in ages. Sigh! It makes me want another one...

(See what you've done? Now you are going to have me checking 10 times a day to see if there's any new Pepper pictures!)

I hate clothes shoping for me and yet I love it. I love having something new to wear, but I just get upset when nothing fits me right. I can try on half a store and end up with one piece. Gah!

5/8/08 11:18 PM  
Blogger greytfriend said...

Pepper is adorable - isn't it amazing how much our four footed friends can do to ease the stress, if only for a few moments?

5/8/08 11:39 PM  
Blogger Carolie said...

Good luck with it all...so glad you have Pepper! Just read of a study that found that folks with cats are 44% less likely to have heart attacks!

Hope you feel better soon, and the economy turns around soon enough for you to feel it. Below is just some ass-vice, offered in the spirit of friendship and help, not in judgement of any sort. Feel free to shoot me the bird and ignore me.

I know you can't avoid school supplies, clothing, etc., but as for the yearbook, senior portraits and class ring, are they necessary? We were on food stamps (single mother going back to school with no skills other than those of a housewife, three hungry teenagers, two of whom were giant, strapping boys) and simply didn't have the money for those things, all of which are choices and none of which are necessities. I cleaned houses with my mother after school every day so we could avoid eviction and pay for kerosene for our space heater (oil for the furnace was out of the question).

I wanted a yearbook badly, so I picked up extra odd jobs around the neighborhood to buy myself one. Can your kids babysit or mow lawns for neighbors to make the money for their yearboooks?

Never had a class ring and didn't miss it. If one gets a college ring, one stops wearing the high school ring...and mos folks stop wearing either one by the time they are 30. (I know you didn't mention class rings, but they often go hand in hand with the yearbook and senior portrait discussion.)

Although I have no "senior potraits" and would have liked to have some, there are plenty of photos of me from that time period. When it comes down to food and books versus overpriced photos...well...food and books won out.

6/8/08 12:21 AM  
Blogger Sassy said...

Awww. She's gorgeous. I think the best bit about pets is the way they light you up on the crappiest days.

6/8/08 1:58 AM  
Blogger justmylife said...

That is one cute cat. I'm with you on finances, it is rough all around. Hope things ease up a bit. Just snuggle with that kitten when things get too rough.

6/8/08 10:49 AM  
Blogger hschinske said...

Our schools have always offered financial aid for stuff like the yearbook -- no questions asked. I would be really surprised if your school charged someone whose mom was on Social Security. Maybe they don't advertise it much because they don't have a lot of students in that situation? (My kids are in inner-city schools, so it's always been pretty obvious.)

6/8/08 5:37 PM  
Blogger margalit said...

Helen, our school system is so broke that they don't offer ANYTHING to anyone. We can't even get the stupid phone book because you have to pay $50 to join the PTO in order to get one. We're not inner city, we're just building a monument to the mayor to the tune of $197 million dollars. So we can't afford anything else.

6/8/08 6:07 PM  

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