However, that doesn't mitigate the fact that he blew his chance to be in a high level English class. It is abject laziness atop a lack of med compliance that enabled him to be such a jerk. I understand that. The school officials understand that. But the point is, the kid has blown a full term of English and he can't go back and make that up. It's going to be on his transcript. It's going to affect his chances for college. He just doesn't get that. He seems to have little to no interest in even discussing college. I know he's not ready to attend college next year, but he has to do something, and so far we have no idea of what that something can be. If he isn't med compliant, he has to be at home. I can't set him upon the world behaving like he does unmedicated. He would be a murder victim in a week.
I feel so confused about all of this. He's huge, he looks grown up, but he behaves like a little kid. He's incapable of making good decisions on his own. He's incapable of behaving like a kid his age should behave. He won't be able to care for himself for a long long time. That time is going to hang on me like a weight. He's an anvil around my neck. I may as well call him ACME.
I didn't sign up for this. I didn't sign up for a kid that might never be able to be on his own. I don't want to take care of him for life. Like all parents, I raised him to be independent, to be a mensch, to be a grownup. I want him to have a job, to get married, to be a parent, to live a good happy life. My dreams for him are continually curtailed. I question everything about him. I don't understand how I'm supposed to encourage him to go forward when he isn't able to care for himself right now.
It's all too much for me right now. I feel alone and sad. I'm confused. I don't know where to turn. I don't know what to do next. All I know is that graduating from high school is not supposed to be the high point of this kid's life. Stumble It! JBlog Me