Name: margalit
Location: Massachusetts, United States Professional writer, educational advocate, opinionated ultra liberal mother of 18 year old twins, living life in the slow lane due to hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, congestive heart failure, and diabetes.

email: margalitc at yahoo dot com

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Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Repercussions continue

Today I heard from the Boy's guidance counselor and his program director that he totally blew English for this term due to skipping classes. They have decided to take him out of the mainstream English class with his fabulous teacher who adored him, and put him back into the program's English class. Not only is this upsetting, it's just ridiculous. I know that this is due to him not taking his meds. I know that since I've been giving them to him, all of two days, he's behaving, he's in control, and he is no longer screaming at me. His impulsivity is much better. He is much better.

However, that doesn't mitigate the fact that he blew his chance to be in a high level English class. It is abject laziness atop a lack of med compliance that enabled him to be such a jerk. I understand that. The school officials understand that. But the point is, the kid has blown a full term of English and he can't go back and make that up. It's going to be on his transcript. It's going to affect his chances for college. He just doesn't get that. He seems to have little to no interest in even discussing college. I know he's not ready to attend college next year, but he has to do something, and so far we have no idea of what that something can be. If he isn't med compliant, he has to be at home. I can't set him upon the world behaving like he does unmedicated. He would be a murder victim in a week.

I feel so confused about all of this. He's huge, he looks grown up, but he behaves like a little kid. He's incapable of making good decisions on his own. He's incapable of behaving like a kid his age should behave. He won't be able to care for himself for a long long time. That time is going to hang on me like a weight. He's an anvil around my neck. I may as well call him ACME.

I didn't sign up for this. I didn't sign up for a kid that might never be able to be on his own. I don't want to take care of him for life. Like all parents, I raised him to be independent, to be a mensch, to be a grownup. I want him to have a job, to get married, to be a parent, to live a good happy life. My dreams for him are continually curtailed. I question everything about him. I don't understand how I'm supposed to encourage him to go forward when he isn't able to care for himself right now.

It's all too much for me right now. I feel alone and sad. I'm confused. I don't know where to turn. I don't know what to do next. All I know is that graduating from high school is not supposed to be the high point of this kid's life.

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Blogger Robin said...

I'm sorry things are so hard right now Margalit. I wish I knew what to say but I don't, so I'll just say I'm here for you and I'm a pretty good listener with very strong shoulders. Use them if you need them.

29/10/08 4:41 PM  
Blogger Daisy said...

I truly wish I could say something that would ease your pain. I know there are no words. Just know I'm here, with your other friends, to catch you if you fall.

29/10/08 8:53 PM  
Blogger Blog Antagonist said...

I worry about all the same things with my very bright, but sometimes distressingly obtuse son. Certain stuff he just does not get. It worries me. A lot.

I'm really sorry that you're feeling so alone.

30/10/08 7:19 AM  
Blogger Jendeis said...

I'm sorry things are so hard right now.

Would a transitional year program help or a school that has lots of student services? There might be one up at Landmark College and I know there's one at Brandeis. Further from your home, McDaniels, Lynchburg and Guilford are all schools with good services. It might be worth checking out.

30/10/08 8:10 AM  
Blogger Picara said...

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I've followed your blog after searching for other stories of people with cardiomyopathy. I have idiopathic cardiomyopathy plus some other cardiac issues.

I was a nanny for twin boys for many years. One of whom had a lot of behavioral, social, academic problems. What's interesting is that now at age 19, his brother who sailed academically is having a much harder time adjusting to life as an adult. It seemed that all the struggles of twin A's life had taught him, albeit bregrudgingly, how to handle adversity and challenge.

I hope that you both find a way through this and know that many people are rooting for you.

30/10/08 11:09 AM  
Blogger margalit said...

Thanks, everyone. I'll get through this. He didn't take his meds this morning. He snuck out of the house instead. But he'll take them when he gets home and we'll continue to work on med compliance, which is the first step.

jendeis, I've thought about a transitional year... a lot. He is NOT in favor of it, but it might just be what we'll do to get his grades up. I don't really know at this point. But last night I made him choose 5 colleges he's interested in and to go through the material and the web sites. So far... he picked the schools. OY, this is going to be a LONG year.

30/10/08 12:12 PM  

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