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Name: margalit
Location: Massachusetts, United States Professional writer, educational advocate, opinionated ultra liberal mother of 18 year old twins, living life in the slow lane due to hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, congestive heart failure, and diabetes.

email: margalitc at yahoo dot com

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Tuesday, December 23, 2008

So far, Hanukkah has sucked donkey balls

First night...sucked.
Second night...sucked less, but still was not great.
Third night....continues the suckage but has escalated due to not one match in the house that I can find, negating lighting the candles, no kids as both are out for the night, no food, and no joy whatsoever.

I think I'm pretty much done with this holiday season.

I have decided I have moved from seasonal sadness to clinical depression. It's day 3 of the can't stop crying bonanza. No longer just a pity party, I'm crying at Pampers commercials (those sleeping babies get to me, what can I say?) as well as stupid books. I have an appointment with a brand new psychopharm in January. I dreaded going but now I'm more accepting. I think it's time to get some help other than the Effexor, which no longer seems to be working.

I'm tired of being stressed. I'm just plain exhausted. I can't seem to bounce back. Parenting teenagers is hard hard work. I know this. Every parent of teens is in the same place I am. We're all feeling defeated and slightly crazed by the whirlwind of hormones that live in our houses. But most other parents have one teen and two parents. I have two teens, both with mood disorders, and I'm only one parent. It's so tiring. It's so freaking hard. Most of the time, I'm OK with it. But when they start trading off on the good kid/bad kid thing, and the craziness never lets up, it's just too freaking much for me. I'm SO done right now.

What do I want for the holidays? A clean house, the dishes done, everything in it's place, and a nice pleasant meal with no fighting. Does this seem like too much to ask? Because right now, in our house, it is asking for the impossible.

Which is why I'm so sad and defeated. I don't want much. Nothing material at all. I just want a clean house and a peaceful meal. And that is too much for my children to deal with.

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7 Comments:

Blogger Nina said...

I swear I'm going to get you a ticket to come down here some time this summer when G is away. It'll be hot, but it'll be quiet and we'll rest and read and cook and kvetch.

23/12/08 6:41 PM  
Blogger Daisy said...

I want to send you matches, but most of all I want to shake those kids senseless and tell them how good they have it with a mom who cares.

23/12/08 8:27 PM  
OpenID movindowntheroad said...

ah, tell me about it. I'm doing better this week, only because it will be over soon, my kids are happy (so I am happy) and well behaved and in a few days I am going to the tropics. I have to say, I think next year I am going to make some changes with the holiday and see if it makes a difference. Just do something wacky and different so I stop expecting it to be something that it's not. (me, crying the last few nights watching episodes of "Secret Millionaire" on Hulu.com. Don't watch it until Spring, whatever you do)

23/12/08 10:19 PM  
Blogger margalit said...

A good friend here was so annoyed with the kid's behavior towards me that she called tonight and ordered us a full prime rib dinner for Christmas eve. Not that we celebrate, but at least there will be a good dinner. Can't wait to see which one of them ruins it first. Anyone want to bet?

23/12/08 10:28 PM  
Blogger Rhea said...

How cool that your friend is getting you that wonderful dinner. I hope the kids chill out.

24/12/08 7:43 AM  
Blogger Suldog said...

Well, first, I will say a prayer for you. It comes from a Christian, but may still do you some good :-)

Second, I need to ask: Have you expressed your simple desires to your kids? In terms so calm that they would have to feel like absolute jerks for objecting? Ask them to sit down and listen to you for ONE minute, calmly, no tears, with a smile. Tell them your one great desire for the holidays is a peaceful dinner with them. If they can't do that for you, after you ask them nicely, then there's not much you can do but go on with the rest of life. My humble suggestion.

24/12/08 9:03 AM  
Blogger Margaret Cloud said...

I feel for you, I would not like to deal with teen again, it will get better but you may not so hang in there you are worth it. Have a nice Christmas.

24/12/08 12:48 PM  

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