Name: margalit
Location: Massachusetts, United States Professional writer, educational advocate, opinionated ultra liberal mother of 18 year old twins, living life in the slow lane due to hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, congestive heart failure, and diabetes.

email: margalitc at yahoo dot com

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Tuesday, January 13, 2009

I haven't been sleeping at all. I lay down and shut my eyes but nothing happens. I turn on the TV, turn the sound down very low and hope that it will lull me to sleep. I turn it to PBS World, which consists of boring talk shows in the middle of the night. I don't fall asleep. I turn on the light and read, hoping that I'll get tired after a few pages and drift off. I am reading an interesting book and of course get all caught up in it. I try a cup of green tea. I sit up, I lay down, I sit back up again. Sleep is ever elusive.

This goes on for days.

I become so tired that my word finding suffers greatly and the kids start laughing at my inability to form a sentence. I become fearful of driving because I'm too tired. I avoid talking on the phone because I sound like I've got aphasia. I can no longer concentrate. I'm so overtired that I become incapable of getting anything done.

And then I collapse.

Today the Boy came home from school and we had a meeting planned with his DMH college counselor. Only she called right before she was to appear and told me that she had been laid off. The whole Department of Mental Health was decimated. Her whole department: gone. 1/3 of all the employees are gone. No more help for SpEd students that are college bound. No more help for young adults. No more help for adults. She's 8 months pregnant, her husband also works for the agency, and she got a pink slip.

After speaking with her for a while and getting panicked and totally depressed, I sat down in the big comfy chair with the Worthless Pet and passed out. It was 4 because Dr Phil was ending and I was too lazy to get up to shut off the TV. The Boy was already passed out cold on the sofa, stinking up the room with his odiferous socks.

I fell asleep.

I woke up at 11 pm. The Boy was still sleeping. I had a 7 hour nap. His nap was even longer. The Girl was upstairs asleep as well. Hopefully she was awake during the evening and just watching TV and snuggling with the kitties. I have no clue.

If you sleep for 7 hours, is this a nap, or did I just fall asleep for the night at a weird hour? Only time will tell, but right now I feel like I could sleep for another 7 hours and still be exhausted.

Oh, and I haven't had breakfast yet. Can you get day-night confusion at 56? If you can, I've got it in spades.

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Blogger Blog Antagonist said...

I'm always chronically confused. I have insomnia, so when my body says sleep, I do. The result is that sometimes I'm awake in the middle of the night, and sleeping in the middle of the day. My husband swears I just need to rest my body clock to a proper sleep/wake schedule, but I've tried that about a zillion times over the years. My only other recourse is drugs. I've tried a few, and really didn't like the knocked out feeling. So, I just cope.

14/1/09 7:04 PM  
Blogger Daisy said...

The long dark hours of our northern winter don't help, either.

14/1/09 8:28 PM  

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