Teenage girls and birth control
[Non-parents and parents of babies, toddlers and pre-schoolers, here is where you get to scream "she can't control her kids, she's a terrible mother, I know I could find a way to control my kids sexuality because I'm smarter, a better parent, and more in control.]
To which I say, "hahahahaha... freaking clueless geeks. You don't know what parenting a teen is like, so perhaps you might shut the fuck up and learn without passing judgement and thinking how superior you are."
Of the parents in my group, ALL of their teen daughters are sexually active and on birth control. Except one mom, whose daughter just recently became sexually active and the mom is having a REALLY hard time dealing with it. It isn't the daughter's issues that are creating disharmony in the house. It's the mom, who we all love to death, but who is very controlling, OCD, and has her nose up her kid's butts more than any other mom I know. The mom was sure her daughter wouldn't give up her virginity in her freshman year of school, but it happened and now the mom is utterly furious with her daughter's expressions of rebellion, sexuality, and a lack of responsibility about protection.
The mom did all the right things. She took her daughter to the doctor and got a prescription for BCP. She dropped off the prescription at the pharmacy, and then she told her daughter that she would have to pay her own co-pay and pick up the prescription herself. And with that, the crowd went wild! We all told her that playing with BCP is playing with fire, and that she had to get them for her daughter and that BC isn't a place to draw a line in the sand. Which we all believe, especially the mom whose daughter got pregnant her sophomore year of high school. But this mom had a really hard time hearing what we were telling her because it's her baby, and her baby didn't tell her she was sexually active until well after the fact. And her baby didn't use any protection. And her baby didn't give up the information willingly until her boyfriend dumped her.
While I understand her position, and nobody wants to hear that their daughter is sexually active, just this year we've helped a parent through his daughter's abortion, dealt with a pregnancy scare, and with my own daughter's sometimes inappropriate sexual behavior. We know that kids have sex. We know that we cannot control it unless we lock said child up. We know that it can happen inside your home just as easily as out in the world. We know that the world is filled with bad things that we didn't have to confront as kids, but we cannot control every aspect of a teenager's life, and if we think we can, we're doing our kids a disservice by being so over-protective/controlling.
Teenagers are more like grownups than kids. They are big and tall and do everything themselves. They hide in their bedrooms texting their friends who are now their confidants. They are pushing themselves out of your nest, they're stretching as far as they can. Which is normal adolescent behavior. And that includes sex.
BUT... sometimes society goes too far in providing teens a way to keep their sexuality private. Meet Mariah, parent of teens and pre-teens. Her daughter's high school in southern California gave her daughter a depo-provera shot without parental permission. A shot that made her daughter sick. Really sick. The only reason that Mariah even knew about the shot was that it made her daughter very very sobby and emotional so Mariah dug deep to find out what was going on and discovered the shot.
Now, this is NOT happening in our high school, and if it were, I would have gone ballistic just like Mariah. I do not believe that birth control is the responsibility of the school, especially since they do not have the child's medical records that might indicate that this shot could compromise the child's health. Without going into why, if the Girl had gotten this shot, it could have killed her. Dead. No way could her body have handled this shot. At all.
Some schools give out condoms, and I don't have a problem with that. Our school does, and my kids have been known to help themselves when they visit the nurses office, but in any case, we always have condoms in the house. Lots of them. Mom provided, kid approved. I grew up in a house with free-for-the taking condoms, and it worked for us way back in the 60's. Unless you have a kid with a latex allergy, condoms can't really hurt anyone.
I know that there are some parents of teenagers that are positive their kids aren't having sex. They are probably right. Not every kid is. But if you have an attractive daughter, one that is interested in having a boyfriend and pays a lot of attention to how she looks and presents herself, the chances are pretty high that sex is going to happen by high school graduation. There are always going to be science geek girls that will remain virgins through college, but really... if your daughters are looking good to the boys around her, you can bet that at some point birth control is going to become an issue in your lives.
When it does, be open to it. The biggest lesson is that you CANNOT control a child's sexuality. If you think you can, start therapy immediately because your heart is going to be broken. Doesn't that suck? Stumble It! JBlog Me