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Name: margalit
Location: Massachusetts, United States Professional writer, educational advocate, opinionated ultra liberal mother of 18 year old twins, living life in the slow lane due to hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, congestive heart failure, and diabetes.

email: margalitc at yahoo dot com

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Friday, March 06, 2009

Errand embarrassment

This evening the Girl and I had a couple of errands to do. We went here and there doing what we needed to do, and then stopped at CVS to pick up a bunch of prescriptions for me, and some of the other necessities of life like razor blades, shampoo, and sugarless candy. When we first got out of the car I said to the Girl that I was wearing the underpants that tend to fall down because they're a bit too big for me. We both laughed, because they have fallen at some inopportune times in the past, but fortunately I've always had on jeans that fit well enough to disguise the falling panties.

Today, however, no such luck. I was wearing what I usually wear the day the laundry is hanging out to dry, a pair of black velvet pull-on sweat pants that are now 2 to 3 sizes too big for me. Now these pants have never fallen down before, at least not that I can remember, but they are very large on me. Comfy as hell for around the house where I just roll up the waist and go about my business. But outside, not so great.

We're waiting on the pharmacist, because like every month they screwed up one of my prescriptions and had to refill. So, like the silly shoppers we are, we wandered about the store looking at everything they had. Especially the Easter stuffed animals, which are so darn cute. Good lord, if we celebrated Easter I'd buy every freaking chick and bunny they had. We also attempted to work the razor blade locked cabinet, which was broken, to get our razor blades. As I was bending over to look at the prices, and good God, WHY are razor blades prices as if they are made of gold?, you guessed it. Downward motion by both pants and undies.

Fortunately the pants only went down a few inches, but underneath? Raw, unadulterated buttocks. I dropped the basket and carefully grabbed the waist of my pants while I shuffled backwards towards the store's back wall. I pulled up my pants, and then through them attempted to get my undies up as well. All the while I was muttering under my breath about getting some new pants that actually fit. Because this pair is one of many that are sizes too big on me now, and it's not only extremely unattractive to see me swimming in my pants, apparently it's also one step away from being nailed as a sex offender.

When we walked out of the store, I pulled up my underwear as best I could, and then we headed out for the last errand, to pick up a pound of grapes because I am totally and completely addicted to grapes this winter. I can't get enough of them.

Due to the insanity that is our city, all the grocery stores on my side of town have been closed permanently, and the closest store to just run into for a bag of grapes is Whole Paycheck. I don't ever shop there normally, but I will go for fruit, which is competitively priced with the other stores, and of better quality. So just before 9 pm we ran into Whole Paycheck, I got my grapes, and the Girl wanted to buy herself a bottle of Izzy's Soda. As we're rounding the aisle to get the soda, down go my pants again. Fortunately there was nobody in the store, and I could run to the bathroom and do a better adjustment than in CVS. But I swear on my father's grave I will never again wear this particular pair of underwear or these pants.

Furthermore, I admit defeat and I am going to try and save enough money to buy myself some new winter pants next fall. I've got enough for summer that will work, but for the colder weather, I may as well lock myself inside rather than to try and wear my current wardrobe.

So yes, the diet is going fairly well, but I'm also losing inches as well as pounds. Inches that used to hold up my pants, but now can't hold up anything I currently own.

Just call me the flasher.

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2 Comments:

OpenID chloefieri said...

Check craig's list for a free or inexpensive used sewing machine. It's pretty easy to rip apart clothing items that are too big and remake them into something that fits.

7/3/09 3:50 PM  
Blogger Daisy said...

Snicker. Snort. I know it was embarrassing, but at least you can blog and laugh about it! The sewing machine wouldn't work for me; I'm hopeless with needle and thread, manual or machine-operated.

7/3/09 4:08 PM  

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