Name: margalit
Location: Massachusetts, United States Professional writer, educational advocate, opinionated ultra liberal mother of 18 year old twins, living life in the slow lane due to hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, congestive heart failure, and diabetes.

email: margalitc at yahoo dot com

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Friday, March 27, 2009


I'm really sad, but I can't tell you why.
I'm confused, but I can't tell you why.
I'm dealing with something heavy, but I can't tell you why.
This morning was just about as tough as any I've had in my years of parenting, but I can't tell you why.
It's the beginning of a long and I'm betting painful process, but I can't tell you why.
It's sad, but I can't tell you why.

I can't tell you why because of the trolls that follow my every word and then turn it into something so far from reality that I have to wonder about their sanity.

I can't tell you because I have to self-censor almost everything I say and do these days, just to keep the trolls at bay.

I can't tell you because it's a problem with someone I love, and I refuse to get that person vilified by trolls because they have no life of their own and need to come and criticize what they "think" is my life.

I can't tell you, all my IRL friends and internet friends, because I'm not willing to take the chance and expose something that could hurt someone else.

I can't share something that I need help with because of the trolls.

For the first time today I thought about taking the blog private. Or taking it down. Or moving it to another platform where I can more carefully manage who can read. For right now, today, I have to censor. And it sucks more than I can begin to tell you all, because I want to reach out, but I can't. I won't.

So I'm going to ask you who know how to call or email or whatever. Because this is how it's going to be until the trolls leave, and as we all know, that's when hell freezes over, because.... well because. We all know why.

I'm frustrated and angry.
I don't want to do this.
I hate that I have to.
I hate that the trolls will just make something up and laugh about it.
I hate that there are people in this world that have to deride everyone else to build themselves up.
I hate them.
And most of all, I hate what's happening right now.
Hate it with all my heart.

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OpenID cahwyguy said...

That's a problem with the Blogger platform: you can't really restrict posts to "Friends Only" or a subset thereof. You might consider creating a secondary blog for your more personal posts, one where you can restrict who can read posts and who can comment on posts. (That's one reason I tend to keep my journaling on LiveJournal).

I hope you make it through this trial. Your friends are here for you.

27/3/09 2:18 PM  
Blogger Daisy said...

Hugs to you.

27/3/09 2:27 PM  
Blogger miss muffet said...

Sending positive thoughts your way. I am a LONG time lurker. I read you everyday, and I also read you on WW.
I hope you find a way to retain your writing as an outlet while at the same time protecting yourself from the trolls.

27/3/09 2:28 PM  
Blogger Never That Easy said...

I'm just going to say that I'm sorry, and hope that things get better soon.

27/3/09 2:34 PM  
Blogger Jendeis said...

This stinks. Stinkin' trolls ruining everything.

Wishing you peace, health and happiness soon. Hugs!

27/3/09 2:44 PM  
OpenID jeanellen1b said...

Why do the mean girls always have to win?

27/3/09 3:10 PM  
Blogger Quinn Cummings said...

Well, this sucks for you. All you want is a place to clear your head and the trolls have vomited on that. I'm truly sorry and I hope you have someone who can meet you for tea today and hear your sorrow in person.

27/3/09 3:14 PM  
Blogger Suzy said...

I am really sorry that you feel so restricted on your own blog - and for whatever your family is going through. I hope things improve - your family is in my thoughts.

27/3/09 6:25 PM  
Blogger Stacy said...

I am sorry that this is happening. I don't know how to call or email as I am just a lowly reader, but I will send healing thoughts your way and will be thinking about you!

27/3/09 8:19 PM  
Blogger Christine said...

I am thinking of you and hope that you are able to find support with friends.

27/3/09 8:24 PM  
Blogger margalit said...

Thank you, everyone. The emails were overwhelming. The comments wonderful. The phone calls surprising and so supportive. You guys rock. You really do.

We're all healthy. Just some ugly stuff going on that we've been trying to fix, but it's hard, trying, and upsetting.

Outed Chicken Liver on Twitter. Go check it out. I know I said I wouldn't but today made me SO angry that I just felt she needed to lose some of her power over bloggers she attacks.

Love you!

27/3/09 10:31 PM  
Blogger gem said...

Sorry you are having a tough time. i am such a luddite I had to join twitter to see what was going on. Am I the last person in the world to do this? Apparently you have to accept me as a follower first so we shall see.

28/3/09 4:16 AM  
Blogger mamaduck27 said...

I, too, am a long time lurker, and I can't even remember how I originally found you. It must have been because both of us have children with special needs. I love your realness.

One of my other favorite blogs closed down because of trolls... it's so sad that total strangers think they know better than you do and have to spew instead of just moving on if they don't like something you're saying or doing. They're those people who in real life deludedly think they know everything about everything.

All this blathering to say please don't give up. You have a lot of secret admirers out here pulling for you.


28/3/09 11:22 AM  
Blogger Maggie, Dammit said...

This makes me very sad. I've had dissenting opinions on my blog that have made me think twice and even helped me craft my thoughts or censor myself in helpful ways, but feeling bullied is something else entirely. I'm all for freedom of speech but I consider it a privilege that I honor and use with respect. I just would never be able to stand it if I knowingly hurt someone else with my words, anonymously or not. I'm sorry you are feeling this way.

28/3/09 4:35 PM  
Blogger Margaret Cloud said...

This is too bad and I am sorry for you. Take care and be safe.

28/3/09 6:11 PM  
Blogger hschinske said...

I'm so sorry to hear that, Margalit. It would be nice if a tech fix could help, but of course the real problem is still out there. You can probably figure out my email if you want to holler.

29/3/09 2:21 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

It sounds like you are going through a tough time and I am so sorry. I hope that you get the support you need to get through this rough time.

(Life by Candlelight)

30/3/09 1:26 PM  
Blogger SHELLY said...

Well, I can't call or email but just wanted to say you'll be in my thoughts. If there's any help I can offer by way of a nurse's advice, you know how to reach me!

31/3/09 6:42 PM  

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